Monday, October 2, 2017
A Dialogue I Had with Myself
A few days ago, I had a conversation with myself. It went a little something like this...
Contents have been modified to make sense of the conversation without revealing the personal bits/person(s) involved.
To make things easily comprehensible, I will name myself K & H. K for the conscious, H for the subconscious.
H: Wasn't that weird? Don't you think that was really weird?
K: Yeah dude. It was.
H: Here's the more important question. Why are you down grading yourself, why do you let yourself be the person who gives in first?
K: I don't know. I just..
H: I mean, don't you respect yourself enough to be take a step back and just let things happen naturally? Why do you always put others before yourself first?
K: ...
H: I mean, look, I get it. But don't you think that question makes sense? Don't you think you should re-evaluate your situation thus far? It only makes sense as to why your friend exit rates are this high..
K: Hey, I have people who love me too!
H: Right. But you also have some who've said goodbye and their departure still boggles you sometimes.
K: Right. I'm a terrible person. Sometimes I wonder why I throw myself at people. Especially when I start liking someone...
H: Yeah. Why do you do that..
K: I.. *sigh* This is why people can't stand me, and they leave.
H: Well, okay. Honestly, it's not your fault. No one is perfect. You... you obviously have a lot of stuff that you can improve on. But it doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes, it's just that some others are okay with you, like they know it's a part of you and they accept that its who you are. And there are some who just can't deal with you. But you and I know that you can never make everyone happy. It's a known fact. There will always be people who can look past all this stuff and love you. But sadly, for the small amount of people who do, there will be a big amount of those who won't. It doesn't make you or them a bad person, its just not meant to be..
H: I think one thing you can do is remember this.. if something comes, or like if someone comes into your life, let them. But it's also really important that you remind yourself not to beat yourself up when that same someone/something has to leave. When it's time to leave, let it. Maybe tug at it a little to gage their stance with you, but when its time, let it end.
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