Ba-ba-ba, Baba-nana.

Okay.

So today, I woke up at 9.35am, freaking out thinking I only had 25 minutes to get my ass off the bed, get ready and get to the City Center to my orthodontist for my 10am appointment.

RUSH RUSH SPEED VROOM VROOM

I get there at well, 10.30, there was a jam and the parking lot was a bitch, most of them were reserved!
Anyway. I get there, get out of the car, into the main block to the shop lot and

is all I see.

Immediately. I remembered that they're closed on Mondays. 

ER MER GERD. 

Not very happy, I started making my way back towards the parking lot when I realized that I had no small change to pay for parking. So I did another U-turn and LO & BEHOLD. FOOOOOOD! :)

I stopped and had my breakfast. I had sat closest to the entrance, facing out and something catches my eyes.

so pretty

Even though I had a book with me, like I always do whenever I go out,  I had decided to just sit there and take in the view of my city, my home. I swear, I could stare at it forever. Then when my food came, I savored every last bite of it while I tried absorbing more of the view that lay before my eyes. 

Quite frankly, I feel that no one in my country actually really really appreciates home. Regardless of whatever country you're in, no one really appreciates it. For my country, well, we're always complaining about how shitty it is. Er, dude, trust me, I DON'T deny that statement. ESPECIALLY in certain aspects of our country, such as the shitty services, the POORLY POORLY organized urban planning (to name a few). But, all in all, our country ain't all that bad. 

It took me three years and the living in two different continents of the world to realize that. You see, rewind back to all those years before I left, or even began college.... 

1990

I was born into an English speaking family. My parents brought me up speaking English. And pretty much, English only. My Sundays were usually filled with watching Sesame Street or some Disney movie or another. 

1997

I attended Primary school. It was an ALL CHINESE speaking school. Everything learnt was in Chinese (more specifically, Mandarin), but of course you still had to take Malay and English on the side, that was a must. Oh trust me, I HATED it for the longest time. And for the first 2 years,  I had pretty much gone to school not really knowing exactly what was going on and boy oh boy, did I hate my parents for getting caned in school without knowing why. I tried finding those who spoke more English than Mandarin and stuck to them more. 

Fast Forward to 2003 (GASP, 9 years ago!)

My first year of high school. Liberated from my Chinese only environment, I detested the idea of taking Chinese as a subject on it's own. Mom gave me an ultimatum that later resulted in my discontentment to stay back, after school hours for it. Plus, my teacher was rather psycho anyway. He spent most of his time comparing us to his old students and lecturing us on our behavior instead of actually teaching us. Was not very happy, as you can imagine. 

Also... YAY American TV! You name it, I've seen it. I yearn so much to go to the places I see on TV. 

2005

I had seen the last of the traditional proverbs and had enough of trying to decipher ancient letters and interpreting them. OH HELL YES. But now, I can even recite to you the names of the actors and characters from any show. 

2008

I will never forget the one day when I was trying to write some simple sentences in Mandarin. But I couldn't even write the simplest, most basic of words. I was dying in shame while my friend (who I asked for help) laughed at me. T'was the saddest day of my life.

2009. 

I had just arrived in Southern California to attend college. It was like a dream come true and I had wanted so much to blend in immediately. To speak with an American accent (possibly a more Californian one than anything else) and to completely leave behind my very own culture, and background.

2011

Being in Barcelona, sucking horribly at Spanish, not speaking a word of Catalan, except for the word "bathroom", Mandarin somehow managed to save my ass a couple of times. 

Today, I'm reflecting upon the last 4 years and what that has done to me. You know how they say you never know what you have till it's gone? Well, I had gone, cause OBVIOUSLY the country can't go anywhere else, physically. And I can say that I have an intensified love for my country, the diversity, and things that make it uniquely Malaysia. Really, I'm truly truly thankful for the education I've gotten from home. Okay, it may not be the BEST, but in terms of the flexibility it has given me and my fellow Malaysians, I think we've got THAT much covered, at least. 

Seriously, it helps so much with language learning, and sometimes even conversing is much easier. We can travel to a bunch of places without having to worry about language as much. And the food, oh my god, the food. One of the BIGGEST things I miss when I'm away. 

If you really don't like this country, I can't really say I blame you. It can feel suffocating sometimes. And they always say, "the grass looks greener on the other side" and they're right. It always does. Even when you've gone to the other side, you'll say the same about home. (which, allow me to add, that we should all try living, YES, LIVING in a different country for at least a FULL year)

Carpe Diem: A Frantic Search of A Lazy Bum

After barely sleeping the night before, and despite the rather nice nap I had gotten yesterday, I still am in some major slack in the Sleep Department. Why? Well, after for snoozing for about 5 hours last night, I was awoken by the rancid cries (bitch, they're all rancid, even if your voice is made of the finest of tunes) to go for breakfast.

What's worse:

IT WAS RAINING. 

I was having a full on body to body, making non sexual love with my blanket and you're telling me I've to move my fucking butt?! 

GOD. I wanted to die. 

So I got up, ran down in a frantic without even bothering with hygiene, opened the door and I SWEAR, it was like the Arctics had decided to pay us a visit. I was frozen for like a milisecond. Then I sprinted back up to change into some warmer clothes and take a leak cause I had forgotten I needed to pee (KAY SERIOUSLY, am I the only one who actually FORGETS to pee?!). wooookay. Too much info, Kim. So right, after THAT's done, I head back down, STILL half asleep and out the door we were, to breakfast. Interestingly enough, I was still in my night tee (just an old sports tee from high school), a pair of blue slim fits (that needed to be washed anyway so it didn't matter if it got wet), and a blue coat. Boy, I felt like GOLD despite not having brushed my teeth/ washed my face. Did I also mention that even the perfume was left alone?

HEHE. 

Kay, to be honest, I have no idea why I just told you all that. Maybe the moral of the story is, when in doubt, put on a coat. It'll glam up ANYTHING and everything. Although, I must say, looking back at myself this morning, I must've come off as some bitch who owns no other colored clothing but Navy Blue (cause everything was that color, yes, even the tee).

Sorry, I digressed. Erm, well, I've been up since, and have been looking up some Latin quotes for my next venture... Can you guess what it is...? I'm smirking. Smirking, smirking.

So here are some that caught my eye. Thought I'd share them with the world (all up to your interpretation, how to look at it, you can love it, hate it, eat it, chew it, whatever):

amor et melle et felle est fecundissimus

love is rich with both honey and venom

audentes fortuna iuvat

fortune favors the bold

damnant quod non intellugent

they condemn what they do not understand

cor ad cor loquitor

heart speaks to heart

disce out discede

learn or depart

Hehe. I think I should stop here before I digress again and let you in on how I still have not showered. Gross, right?

These Small Hours

I like you.
Flaws and all? 
Surprisingly so. Even though I am very much clinging onto these flaws to try and rid my feelings for you.

I like you.
Do I Facebook stalk you like a Peeping Tom a hot naked lady?
No but on occasion when I had nothing better to do than to update a close friend on my latest like which so happens to be you cause they asked for a picture of you. 

I like you.
Then, do I like everything and anything you post on Facebook?
Nah. Only sparingly so cause really, some of that shit interests me to the very very least.

I like you. 
Does this means I'd come running after you with a bat and chase you till you agree to be mine?
No.


I like you. 
Does this mean that I pull down all my defences and let you see who I really am?
Yes. So I'd save us both the trouble of playing the game and getting my heart broken in the end cause we're not meant for each other later when you see who I really am.


I like you. 
But Is it reason for me to be your bitch?
Never. 

I like you.

Like, a lot.

Which is why I still defend you when I get told you're not worth my time. 

I like you. Which is PARTLY why I make picking outfits for the day all the more challenging. I like you, which why I find myself constantly staring at my phone hoping you'd call or text me to invite me out for coffee. I like you, which is why I'm usually disappointed by the end of the day cause I get neither texts nor calls from you. I like you, and I'd love to know you feel the same way too. I like you, but I won't let anything happen between us. Not even if it is something more than friends. Because I know that none of that is likely to happen anyway. But it's cause I like you that I'm keeping whatever it is we have, gently gripping onto the slipping slopes of what I call our friendship.

Yes, No, Maybe So?

A friend suggested I do more dress posts. 

I thought...
If I get suggestions of what to wear, I'd do it.
I'll do some crazy shit too.

Like...

mixing patterns + prints.

wear mismatched colored shoes

make my outfits out of my pajamas.

PRETTY MUCH

anything that people don't usually do with their outfits.

I WILL MAKE IT HAPPEN.

ALL WITH THE STUFF I HAVE.

Unless donations are made for me to make the variety even more awesome..

What say you? 

 ♥

Loves, Lovers, and The Loved.

Since my arrival back home, I've spent a fair amount of time with the people I've long missed and absolutely love.

the extended family,

(this is from both sides of the family)

the sibling,

(believe it or not, he is 5 years younger than I am)

the gramps,

cousins

(uh, and Zoe)

and friends

some old...

some fairly new...

As the years go by, I watch as the crowds I mingle with change with it. There are those who I'd call, make appointments, and watch it just fizzle out in a matter of hours/days, then be completely forgotten. 

Cycle and Repeat.

But still forgotten, in the end.

Then, there are also those, who call, upon impulse, for immediate meet-ups. 

Lunch? Les do dis. Dinner? Onz. Yum Cha? On my way nao. 

(As for breakfast... well, someone is usually not up and running till almost lunch time)

Sometimes though, really, the timing just fits horribly. One can never be too certain. This minute you're completely bored, stuck home, flipping channels on TV cause there's nothing to do (or you're just so lazy to move yer butt that the tele has become your only companion). The next, you're on the phone, planning your next step (after pacing up and down a couple of times, with a rumbling tummy and a strong need to shake that booty and "EXERCISE"). Upon turning off that dial, a smile spreads on your face with the new plan you already have in store for the day. So you start getting ready (I mean, you can't go out in your pajamas, with the humidity and hot sun) for your dates. But as you get ready, you get phone calls after texts inviting you out for whatever. 

Kay, seriously, ask me an hour ago and I'd be singing to the tunes of "America, Fuck Yeah!". But now that I've the rest of the damn day planned, and you call me (somehow it ALWAYS is at the wrong time), of course I can't do anything but to make a bloody raincheck, right? 

Still, I get snide remarks like "call me when you actually miss me" WHICH is then followed by the beep. Uh, yeah, what makes you think I wanna call you anymore... Really, you know I'd hang witchu if I had nothing planned. I'd rather that than sit at home and collect dust, like my old books from kindergarten. (Uh, not that I have any left) 

And also, my phone isn't exactly the best. It acts on whim. Many times, I NEVER get the texts/ calls you make to me. It is really not in me to not answer your phone call/ reply your texts. Not even years later, when I come back from wherever, none of the old texts that was supposed to surface, ever reached my inbox. 

SORRY LAAAAH, KAY?

not my fault, kay?

the Filipino family

Love you? Heh.

My days back home are severely numbered. I have less than a month till I go back for my final year as a college student (Uh... I don't know if I ever will be ready for that). I want to see as many people as I can before I go, I want to give as many hugs and have as many conversations I can with as many people as I can. So, really, if you would like to meet up with me, call, Facebook, inbox, Skype, Twitter, Tumblr me. 

Whatever floats your boat. 

If you call or text me and I don't answer/ reply, I'm not lying when I say my phone did not receive it. It is not cause I refuse to pick up the phone. I can't, if my phone doesn't receive it. With that said, I'd suggest the communication methods that involve the internet. 

♥

Love love

Thirty vs Twenty

Three years ago,

my 18 year old self.

I decided, as a routine, to make annual visits to Singapore as an effort to soak in the ever changing landscape and lifestyle of the little concrete jungle that kicks the ass of a country (a million times bigger than it is) ie, mine, in pretty much everything.
I did rather well my Freshman year and visited.

at Universal Studios

Sophomore year, on the other hand, I decided to fulfill a childhood dream

and skipped out on Singapore. 

So, after a two year absence, I returned to the very much missed country. 

Aside from the new sites that makes this country a hub for tourists and people in search for jobs, 

it is also a foreign land that feels oh too much like home. 

But most importantly though, the trip down is always completed by some tremendously amazing people.

hehe I had to.

It is interesting to see the gradual changes that catches your attention and to witness those that stay true and true all through. In all honesty though, the people are one of the biggest reasons I even go there. The reason why I made a vow to return every year is because Whatsapp and MSN just doesn't cut it anymore. Facebook messages and wall posts hold less significance than actually giving these people a hug, talking, laughing, and interacting with them in the flesh. Somehow, after every visit too, I feel a thousand times better. I would've learnt something new, be it good or bad, and also have a newer outlook on one thing or another. And so, just like that, my 5 days flew by as quickly as the speed of light. 

Thank you, Singapore.