Quarter Life Goodbye

As I sit at home with my laptop and dance practice song in attempt to remember the newly learnt dance steps, I'm also gathering the bits and pieces of 2015 and putting them into the separate bins of keepsake and once overs.

2015 was a year of wow, cha(lle)nges. I see how that looks weird, allow me to rephrase:

2015 was a year of wow, challenges and change.

January: I was finally packing up to make the move to Korea to learn the language in wish of landing myself in the entertainment industry.  And well, I fulfilled that.

February: A turning point of finding myself in an emotional whirl with news of a person who apparently wasn't prepared for a relationship but had ended up getting together with a familiar face. Took a scary tummy sink and self prep-talk to stop crying over spilt milk and to actually start focusing on myself and how I can be a better person as a whole.

March: I landed myself an internship/part time job that got me involved with radio which I really enjoy despite some hiccups. Then met some really cool dudes that owned a café near me who were very welcoming

April: I learnt that despite being placed into Level 1, that it wasn't really that elementary of a class. I also got to see first hand that insecure girlfriends from Korean dramas actually exist.

May: I got to see beautiful SUA babies spread their wings and join the transition club into "the real world" and got to meet some really inspiring alumni who have been making huge strides in their lives and communities

June: I decided that having cockroaches and other insects as my roommates were not really gonna gel with me. It was also the time that I highly objected to a lot of things that had changed someone close to me. I started missing the States and the conversations I had + thought about how much of a meanie I was to some people.

July: A good friend & fellow alumna visited! I attended PRIDE, and became a one event star (the photos are stunning) I wore rainbow and was stunned by the amount of anger shown by the religious group here that all I could do was throw signs of love back at them. But very quickly I started feeling kind of alone and frustrated, I was not quite sure about how to control my thoughts or anger. It was also very hot and humid, and having to go real estate hopping seeing stuff WAY over budget was beginning to get on my nerves. And going to school with a prick was making me a passive aggressive judgmental bitch who would voice out her opinions in front of the person but could not say it to the person's face. I finally found a new place thanks to my friend who agreed to brave the heat with me.

August: I missed home a lot. And so sought comfort back home through my friends and got pretty close to one who is now my biggest confidant & supporter apart from my family. I also started admiring my dance teacher, and was building mad respect for both my Level 2 teachers who are just such amazing individuals. Real examples of inspiring women. Then I met the youngest teacher who is seriously no rookie and who blew my socks off with her teaching skills. A month of teachers man. (tearing up a little to all the beautiful individuals) Maybe it was also the fact that I had already been one (for a couple months) myself too?

September: At quarter of a century old, I learnt that ALL parents have already had pedestals for their children, no matter how shitty they are (even if their children are 6'6'' tall assholes) and teachers in general have to build a really thick skin. Respect respect, RESPECT. I've also officially moved into my new place and flew back home for a couple of days for a wedding & also to Japan to have a much much much needed reunion with my classmates. This was also the month I spent A LOT but worth every single penny/yen/won/Ringgit.

October: Home came to me and so did the cold. In the previous months I got so lonely and I must say, lost that having my dear confidant come to Korea and stay for such a long time was a paradox. It was absolutely comforting but it was also a slap in the face of how rude I am as a person sometimes. And that also became another turning point for me. I'm sorry.

November: I took part in a video contest in school and the footage was amazing (ALSO THANKS TO MY CONFIDANT you know who you are) and did not like messaging people for the sake of getting likes, comments and shares. I did not like it one bit. Neither did I like the fact that they allowed another contestant in way after the application due date. Still not sure what was up with that, but I don't think that was fair for anyone (not just me) and it was also the month that I was the poorest because I had to pay for the outstanding school fees (there was an increase) and my laptop charger had been replaced by a newer, expensive version (the original is free with the laptop purchase). Did I also mention that my student became too busy for my classes and had basically no more extra income?

December: I welcomed the last month with an addition to my bank account after winning the video contest. But that had replaced the extra school fees and the laptop charger which that was great but I also started becoming more sensitive to my surroundings as I was more aware of what I wanted in terms of characteristics (in myself). I also started Level 4 which now has become a challenge of applying all I've learnt so far in doing presentations and expressing my thoughts (like a local). And it felt like eternity but I now have another student who is wonderful, adorable and learns fast! (She's also 6 and is excited for my classes to which I am so grateful and it gets me going) I'm also reunited with my fellow SUA alumni tonight ready glide through the night, the way I cannot do any other day.

I also made a quote that I'm super proud of and shall now be my way of approaching quite a lot of things....

At the radio station we recorded our last show for 2015 and while I do not believe in New Year's Resolution, I do want to make one that I would like to carry on into the many many years to come, but
1. To learn how to get my point across without sounding like an old lady.
2. To make many more mistakes so that I can laugh at myself more with everyone regardless
3. To push through my initial intimidation when it comes to meeting someone/ talking to others
4. To continue being straightforward, no matter how awkward/painfully scary it is but to admit my wrongs when I am corrected.

I also watched the movie About Time sans distraction and that got me thinking lately.

But yes, moving on, I'd love to constantly working on those things. It won't take 1 year for a complete turnover but progress even a little is a good thing. And I strongly believe that life is a never ending practice field. We should never stop learning, practicing, and growing.

Oh and about that quote:

"Kids are adults in small bodies, and adults are kids... in BIG bodies" 





Adios 2015. Gracias por todo.
Gracias a los putos también por las problemas que me dieron. Pero adios y jodete.

Mini Stepped Tuesday

It's been a while since I wrote something and for good reason...

I've recently been feeling pretty stuck in my ways of writing and felt that the stuff I was putting out was not quite good for a while and so I've decided to take a sabbatical (HAHA) and go explore different writings and work my way to writing better.

But I've also been pretty swamped with school, work, and everything else that I find the extra hour of sleep in the morning to be pretty great. So do forgive me while I post sporadically over the span of the near future.. (:

Like today, with something great happening and I just had to tell the world about it.
Yesterday at work, I was asked about my New Year's Resolution. Though for the most part, I don't really believe in it because like a can of soda I kinda fizz out after giving myself too much time. So I am more on the side of making little goals to reach whatever it is I'm aiming at. And so I mentioned that I'm planning on going Zero Waste. If you look it up, you'll see some really interesting people on the interweb who usually advocate quite literally what the title is. Zero plastic, and waste to the point where they've been able to collect the trash they use over the span of whoever long they've been Zero Waste.

For me, I've a long way to go but I've already started by using alternatives to products that require tossing or even recycling for that matter. For examples, I urge you to go to your fridge or kitchen cupboards and see what's wrapped in material that need to either be recycled or thrown out..
I've also taken more steps to reducing my carbon foot print by switching out some of my products like sanitary pads/tampons with a menstrual cup, which is made of silicone and only need to be replaced every 10 years (a really great investment and also saving the planet).

Moving on, today was no exception. I knew I was going to buy my breakfast as I've not done grocery shopping as I'm also looking up alternatives to big corporations (instead via other sources that tie directly with farmers) again I regress. So I prepared my Tupperware for my bagel and cream cheese (there's an extra small container for the Tupperware just for that) and to my surprise the owner (who takes orders) told me that he was impressed by it and explained to me that the cost for things we take for granted (like plastic bags and paper wraps) are actually really expensive and he really liked the idea of me bringing in my own as it doesn't create any trash. Glad was he I got an extra stamp and am now 1 stamp away from my free bagel. Joyous!'

also brought my own coffee in my reused glass bottle!

I was really proud of myself and in I think my bagel tasted extra yummy today (not sure if it's cause I got the Onion bagel... Ooh, and my cream cheese has now been saved for when I have bread! Score!

Monday: Mother Nature I

Lately, I've become more environmentally aware and have been seeking out ways to be more friendly to Mother Nature.

Doing my part to save the environment started when I was a lot more little when my mom would recycle quite literally everything.. And years after that she started composting food waste and turning it into detergents and stuff (which now, I must say is pretty cool despite the smell -cuz she uses almost all kinds of food wastes unlike the ones that are usually bought where lemons are used)

And at college I've also been doing my best to properly recycle my papers and stuff but still were using products that had plastic covers and stuff despite also recycling what I can.. papers and putting some of the plastic stuff into the plastic recycle bins hoping they went to the recycling plants and using tupperwares instead of to-go boxes :)

BUUUUUUT that still wasn't enough as I was still taking to-go cups, despite keeping the collars for future use.. etc etc

And overtime I found myself finding even more ways to be environmentally friendly.. starting with my period. Ah yes, the time of month where we bleed :) Nothing to be ashamed of as this happens to women world over, so I'm not sure why people get all weird about pads and stuff but anyway! Pads, I was using them but they're the disposable kinds and were not really great for the environment and it didn't even hit me until I watched a video about a menstrual cup:

Needless to say, I purchased it even though I couldn't back the project :) 

The cost wasn't too pleasing for my wallet, and especially so with the shitty currency exchange between my country and the US... and that was a huge step for me as I saw the improvement of garbage waste that I had. I even got a friend of mine to purchase her own! (: and now getting another comfortable with using it (this thing takes practice haha)

-abrupt end of Part 1 of this blog post cuz I have to get ready for school haha-

Thankful Friday

Oh my days.

School has once again begun.

In a whole new level with a whole new class and teacher. And everything.

Today is now day 3 and I've already had a rotation of teachers to know who I'm up against.

Haha sounds like I'm going to war. I guess after Level 2 I just somehow got more anxious when it came to my teachers. And this semester, it looks like it's gonna be pretty fun. My teacher pairings have not really let me down..

And this time I have a male teacher who reminds me so much of a good friend/older brother of mine whose all calm but loud when needs to be & funny in the most subtle way. Then yesterday we met the female teacher who says she's pretty loud and out there (kinda like me!) and was given the title "big bro" for her characteristics and she's hilarious too.

I guess now that I'm supposed to be really good at expressing my thoughts, I'm getting pretty anxious about messing up. Though that really shouldn't be a problem. I mean, I once stuttered because I had 3-4 grammar points I wanted to use all at once and just stumbled (at the mail office) and the dude just laughed at me.

But anyway. I guess I haven't really quite shown much appreciation to things lately. I noticed that I'm quick to be annoyed by someone's not-so-great bits instead of focusing on the nicer things they do.

And yesterday I watched a video where a photographer started a 365 appreciation day using photos and how it helped her rethink how she looks at life and more importantly her husband who shows her love in the smallest subtlest ways yet unbeknownst to her till her project.

And so today, I'm sharing this because I would like to be appreciative of the two individuals mentioned above and also the teachers who have been so patiently explaining everything to me and my classmates since the beginning haha

I posted an appreciation yesterday for the amount of Korean that I can now form with an amazement at being able to explain things + a throwback to when I first looked at

this and wanted to faint

But after learning for 3 semesters I think I'm starting to get the hang of this language (: 

Blocked Thursday

You know those times when you have a lot to say but you just blank?

Or when you've thought about all these things just to have them disappear because you never wrote them down?

Well, this is happening to me and so I feel like I'm kind of running around like a headless chicken lately.. Thus not so impressive posts or much lack thereof :(

So here's something I'd like to share instead:

Sorry it's so dark haha 

Reminded Thursday

Have you ever waken up and understood that you woke up hours later than the actual time?

I woke up today thinking it was 8am when it was already 10.30am. Apparently my friend who is visiting, turned my alarm off before it blasted (every single time it rang) and so I basically slept through the alarms.

And since it was snowing, and I'm still not quite biologically used to waking up in the cold (I usually turn off my heating blanket before knocking out), I am usually out cold till my eyes naturally blink open.

Then when I looked out the window, the buildings nearby had snow caps!

WOOH!

And before I know it, I'm now home, after finishing up a whole day of shipping, shopping, and meeting up with a friend for dinner and desserts. Even slipping in some time to visit a giant teddy bear

But realizing just how quickly time flies, and how waking up even an hour late affects your day.

When I was a kid, my parents used to make me wake up early (we're talking 6am) and would get mad whenever I would wake up even at 9am. And now I finally understood why. As much as it was great to have done quite a bit, at the end of the day, I can see why it would've been so much better to wake up really early.

Waking up late isn't counter productive, but life could be more productive if more stuff was done in the 24 hours that can never be retrieved once it's passed.


Speaking of time passed... And I believe we've all heard this before, but one of the most common regrets among those who were at their death bed, is that they went through life only working their asses off.. all for money.

Just a reminder. 

Restored Wednesday

Yesterday, I posted about an upsetting rendition of the current issues that are now storming the internet and my Facebook wall. And today, it's with a little hope that I've bumped into an inspiring piece of news that follows a tragic incident in Canada.

Not too long after the attack in Paris, a mosque was burnt down in Peterborough, Ontario. Done in fear and anger, aka HATE towards Muslims who aren't even remotely close to being a part of the tragic event (Paris), the damages were at a whopping $80,000.
But fortunately, the community was fast on their feet. Within the 1st day of it's fund raiser, they've raised $80k and ended with $110k to restore the damages. And with other religious groups coming together to offer a space for worship and prayer.

Check it out for yourself!

Butt Hurt Tuesday

Of late, there's just so much stuff going on with rights, privilege, terrorism, religion, and politics.

And while so many things are still left unspoken on these issues, one thing that seems consistent is the fact that everyone seems to be butt hurt about something. Everyone gets ultra sensitive over things and get over-defensive. Don't get me wrong, I get it. You're standing up for someone who did you wrong. That's great.

But sometimes, I think it may be a good idea to actually be able to differentiate those who are sincere, and those who are out to harm/hurt you. As individuals, we're kinda getting really worked up over things that we merely turn our gazes away from those who really want to help.

No name calling, no venting, because I'm also guilty of it all. Every experience that is spoken about here, I shall be the first to admit that I too have done it all. That's why it's with all hope that I share it with you that being angry all the time has never gotten me anywhere beneficial.

Not sure why, but every time I fly, I'm always seated next to some creep who seems to conveniently spill his arms over on my side of the seat and leaves me feeling really helpless and in dire need to have a seat change. I remember once telling someone about this and in response, I was told to always ask for a change of seats, and if I sounded a little more mad/upset, I'd never know, I might get an upgrade, aka Business Class? Not sure.
But anyway, while this did strike a bell within, it also was a little uncalled for. As the flight attendant I would be speaking to would be getting the not-so-pleasant end of my feelings and would in turn feel a little uncomfortable. You might be saying "well, pssh, they get the runt end of the bud pretty often, this is nothing" but let's be real here. Imagine you're the flight attendant, you've had a long day of work (flying to and from the same goddamn country for the upteenth time, having to do your job in the highest honorific manners -assuming you're not allowed to talk back-) and you've already had a handful of flyers who still think "the customer's ALWAYS right" and has spoken to you in a commanding manner.
To have another person kinda add to that doesn't make you any happier, does it?

Take for example, you've made plans to meet your friends at a restaurant. You're the first to get there and you've placed your food and beverage orders in. You request for your food to arrive together when the rest of the party comes and put in their orders, but our beverage can come first. So it does. But in a series of speed events, your friends all arrive at the same time and order basically the same thing as you and claims the same meal as theirs first. Then you get upset and ask where your order went, and you ask for it in a condescending way, all angry and demanding.
If I were the owner of the place, I'd kick your ass to the curb and tell you that I'd rather have you not come to the restaurant, then to have rude customers.
Business is still business you say? By golly, no wonder the world is filled with entitled people.
But again, as always, I digress.

If I were the waiter, and let's just say that I've already been in a poor position in life, and was considering not so positive things, this would be the easy push I'd add to my struggles.

Why is it that we all tend to forget the most fundamental: we're all humans, and while a huge sum of this earth's population is by contemporary definition: a fucking asshole, there are still those who are sincere about helping/contributing to your happiness.
But it seems to me that it's so difficult for all of us to take a step back and be like, hey, this person is being sincere. I know, you've trusted someone and they've ended up hurting you. Well, bud, can't say I don't understand. But we're in the same boat, really. So maybe, ease it up a bit. Be defensive when necessary, but being overly vulgar/violent about your stance will only lead to more detriment.

Remember the flight attendant or the feeling you've gotten when you've been accused of something you're not/didn't do. That should give you a good idea about things.