Knocked II.

Yesterday, actually, I dunno what to call it since I'm in a different time zone and continent...

was kinda good but kinda sad at the same time. I managed to talk to you and get one of the answers to my questions, yet, I spent my last hours in SUA crying like a baby.

It was nice talking to you at the same time it broke my heart the way it did 5 and a half months ago.

I can't believe just how my feelings remain the same while nothings changed for you. I'm annoyed at the fact that I know that despite all the crap you've made me feel, I still care dearly.

And eventhough I know that there is not a slight bit of hope, I am still clinging on with all my heart.

I don't know how long I can hold myself up but I'm working on it. All I wanted was your company but now I'm left with nothing. And the worst part of it all is that there is nothing I can do to fix it.

Without you, the ground thaws, the rain falls, the grass grows, the seeds root.

Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the cloud moves.

Life goes on. Life goes on...

Knocked.

I wish you would knock on my door
I wish that just like in the movies, I would start crying and you would pick me up and tell me that everything is okay.
I wish that you would hold me in your arms and say the 3 magic words.
I wish that this wish would come true and that you will once again be that special person in my life.
The one person who means the world to me.
I wish that you would sit with me till the sunrises and till I step foot onto that airplane.
Those 3 magic words are all I need for my life to be complete.

Just 3 magic words.

Blue and Green Nails

This song is a marvel. Listen. :)

I have my nails in 3 shades. A base shade of royal blue for the seniors, and Greens for me, the freshmen colors. :)
I love the seniors and I REALLY REALLY REALLY don't want them to go. Buttt. The song, Seasons of Love says:
"Without you, the breeze warms, the girl smiles, the clouds move, life goes on, life goes on".
Indeed it does. And I will REALLY miss the seniors but it will not stop me from loving them any less.

It is 3.30am and I am writing these notes to them and I am almost done with packing (YAY ME!).

SIGH. I am kinda excited about my new outfit though! ;) YAYY :)

Out of Breath.

I lost my voice.
But it is all for a good purpose. :)
In honor of the seniors, I joined PABS and I have had soooo much fun practicing and stuff. :)
But my voice is kinda gone.
Andddd GRADUATION is tomorrow. :(
Darn. :(

I love you guys. :) 

:( SIGH 

Love Baby.

Things have been so insanely messy lately.
So many things to do so little time. Still the same issue as ever. -.-
NOT COOL.
SIGH.
I need to get my stuff down tomorrow. :(
One of those daysss :(



This is really nice. :) I am going Gaga over it. :)

The End of Freshmen Year.

I am done with Freshmen year. Wow.

When I opened the examination papers, I swear I died a little on the inside. :) HAHA.

But. I am very glad that it was not as bad as back in the days of PMR when I was like OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT. :)

And although I didn't study, I think I was able to pull some stuff that I remembered from the classes. :)

There was only ONE that I was like, NOPE. Nothing. :) But he made me answer it anyway. I hope my "guessing" worked. HMM.

YES I AM FREEE. No more exams for some time! :) Niceee. ;)

Jolly?

I am kinda happy.
Smiling and all that crap.
I dunno.
The smile is real too. Kinda weird. HMM
Okay. My back hurts :(
I kinda don't like it.
I should invest if foam things for my bed next yearr.

SHOPPING. :) MMMM

Insomniac.

I can't sleep.

It is 4.20am and I am having trouble falling asleep. This is not nice.

Not at all. :(

I started packing yesterday. Its kinda hard judging by the fact that everything seems to be all over the place and I need to plan so that things are divided into boxes accordingly. Hmm.

I have 5 more days till I fly home. I dunno if excited is the right word. I'm not as thrilled as I was before, frankly speaking. Neither do I wanna be here any longer. So I kinda dunno what to do. Hmm. Well.

All I see myself doing is making deco stuff for my room next year and studying Japanese/ sitting at Starbucks in attempt to go online and what crap. Somehow the KLCC one popped in my head. WEIRD.

Hmm.

Tomorrow is my last exam and I'm not all that excited about it. Never even studied for it. Thats how over confident I am. I don't really like it. Then again, I never seem to like anything anymore. HM oh well.

Right. I have no idea on like what I should do whatsoever but I kinda NEED to sleep. :(

Kay.
Bye.

OH! Souplantation is pretty great. :) But it doesn't beat the yummy soups from Nandos. OMG, cravingsss. :(

Alright. Nighters? Actually, morning?

Spanish.

was kinda hard but kinda easy. I felt like I just autopiloted through it.
Not a very nice feeling but I feel pretty good about it.
Well. It's done now.

Pac Basin on Monday. MM. -.-

I bought a tin of gum today.

I bought a tin of gum today. Yes, a tin box of em. From Starbucks.

It reminds me of that one time when you brought me there cause we just woke up, missed brunch and I wanted Starbucks.

The exact same place you brought me to. I sat at the same place as well.

But now it is sitting in my bag while I decide whether I should write you a note and put it at your door.

I bought a tin of gum today.

But it just wants to bring tears to my eyes.

I bought a tin of gum today.

But you're never gonna be that person I want you to be in my life.

I'm In The Pursuit of Happiness.

This song is kinda stuck in my head now. :) A bit lah!

This version is kinda sexy if you ask me. :) Okay, so, I have ONE more page to go!!! THEN I can focus on SPANISH! ZOMG. :)

¡sí! ¡tengo una pagina más! ¡Me puedo! :)

Translation: YES! I have one more page! I can do it! :)

Okay so, if I were to describe dinner in one word, it would have to be...

*drumroll*

Ready?

AWKWARD.

Surprise surprsie. What dyou know? 

It was just last night that I wanted to go knock on your door and talk to you. Little did I know that today showed me just how much I wanna talk to you vice versa. Kay, not really, it was my nerves. It took the best of me. :( 

SIGH. 

This really sucks if you ask me. 

"sorry, please try again later"

Standing Ovation

 So, 2 nights ago, I was in the music composition room helping Ashley with her work. :)

For 3 hours. More than anticipated. Too long in fact.

But the work came out super and I went to listen to her work today. :) T'was marvelous. :)

Congratulations love. :)

HAHA. :)

Oh boy, I went bowling yesterday and had cha. :) It was rather fun. :) I really needed it to clear my head on the current light of the situation and it really helped. :)

The Philosophy debate went really well today. :) I also discovered 2 good news. :)

ONE, our grades can only go UP, meaning I have a chance at an AMAZING score! WOOT WOOT!

TWO, there is a learning cluster to ITALY OMG. :) I AM SO EXCITED I wanna go to Italy!!! :) 

YESSSSSSSS OMG I really wanna goo.

And so, today, I got my 2nd draft reviewed and printed the Hiragana and Katakana graphs. :) ROAR. :) I'm really thrilled to be learning them over the summer. :) I even bought the books from Maria. :) Can't waittt :) 

YES. :)

Eddie. :) People thought he looked like Tristan. OH dear. But he's great. :) 

Dying Body.

My body is failing on me.

My wrist isn't working well.

My ankle is twisted and it feels like it is still weak enough for it to be twisted yet again.

My back hurts. :(

This sucks.

I'm screwed.

Dah lah.

To those of you who are reading this.
And once you're done reading this, and you understand what I'm talking about, then please do something about it. If you read this and go, WTF is she talking about? Then its not you.

Okay,
Here goes...

You are fucking bitches. You look at me with that pity look on your eyes. You smile and say hi to me as if I'm just some acquaintance.We used to talk from sunset to sunrise and now all you have to say to me is hi. In fact, you try to run away if you see me. Dear God. Seriously? You keep telling me that we should hangout, we should do this and that but no, you don't. You lie. I tell you I hope we can do this or that, you agree and yet you do it with others and leave me out of it. Thanks. Really. Thank you.

And you, you even have a name for this and you accuse ME of doing it, when frankly, I don't even fucking remember doing it YET you do it to me. THANK YOU. URGH. You disgust me with your annoyance of life, your false ideologies of 'smiling' and yet you NEVER do unless it is in a picture. URGH. You pretend things are nice with us, you pretend to be all friendly with me but when I see you walking alone and greet you, you give me the cold shoulders. I never understood your ways. One minute, you're really nice the next you look at me with the most horrid look. As if I committed some sort of crime and what crap.
I'm absolutely sick of your crap. I really am.

I'm done. I really hate it. I really hate everything. I've been working on being nice, no. Its just not working. I've attempted to talk to you, I've attempted to do things no, it just doesn't seem to work. And no, its not just you, but its you you and YOU. URGH.

Someone once said,
"It's better for people to hate you for who you are than for them to love you for who you are not".
Whoever who wrote this must've been really dumb. Doesn't he/she realize that it can only happen in a rich ass society like his/hers like, with his/her work and not as a person?! That was the most dumbest quote I've ever read. You dumb ass. Come on now, you've got to be kidding me.

Fuck this. FUCK.

Goddamn this place and the facades. GODDAMN THEM. URGH.

What I Hold Dear.

I am currently listening to the beautiful works of Jean-Yves Thibaudet. 

Current song on repeat:
The Secret Life Of Daydreams 

It makes me feel kinda good. It somehow reminds me of this one thing that I hold dear to my heart. The good feeling I once experienced that I will never ever forget. The one night that made everything seemed so worth while. The one moment that made the world stop in its tracks. The one sentence that made my heart stop beating for 2 whole seconds.

The one memory that will haunt me for the rest of my life. The one person who meant the world to me. That person was you. 


I aspire to play like that, real soon. And I will. I know I will.

Stranded.

I am now my own enemy
I am battling myself in
the light of the current situation
My heart tugs at my brain and
takes over my emotions.

Hmm.

I woke up with a sore throat. :( I kinda don't like it. My nose is kinda blocked too.

RAWR to sickness! YAY. -.-

Damn it.

More photos :)

Swim Girls. :)

Jess and Paige. :) Mega hearts.

Miss Bree Anderson.
I am super proud of you. :) 

Kay, the rest are on FB.

Oh!

I went out with my Friend Swap friends. :) It was kinda short but kinda fun. :)

L- R- Down
Kuni, Akko, Me, Nako. 

RAWR.

Okay. :) Time to wake Thao for brunch. :) 

Damaged hair.

Alright.

I am rather sure that my hair is kinda dead now. :)

1. I first curled them (they were testers!)
2. Then I straightened them (I woke up with really ugly hair!)
3. Then I curled them again. 

I had to! :(

Yesterday, I realized that I've become very spoiled since I got here. 

I guess you were right. Hmm.

Last night was the Sports Banquet. I was as always, overdressed.
-.-

Oh Kim. 

Okay. Yes. Photo.

I love you both.

Swim Team. :) We're great.

Stole these off Malina and Choy Shin. Will upload my share later. :) 

Turn Around, Bright Eyes.

GLEE GLEE GLEE! 

I had so much fun catching up on the episodes that I missed. :)

They were marvelous. :) HEH.

I felt kinda sad when they started singing the love songs though...

I felt the pain and all the sadness that has been couped up inside of me kinda burned.

Oh well. Nothing I can do about it. Just... waiting for it to die out...

Hmm. Yeah.

Okay, so, tomorrow is the Sports Banquet. I have my dress, I just need to figure out what I wanna do with my make up. Hmm. And I feel like my dress is kinda empty. I need accessories. But what? Hmm.

Okay, I should go. Back later.

Tumor.

Okay.
So, I discovered the reason for my insane mood thingies last night.
Thank goodness I found it in time. Or elseeee.

Anyway, on a slightly different note.

I don't like how they asked us if we wanted to go to Japan just 2 weeks ago. MONTHS after I bought my plane ticket.

This is kinda dumb. Had they told me earlier, my trip to Japan would've been earlier! DEAR GOODNESS.

I wanna go to Japan! :( I should plan and start saving for next summer you think? :)

Hmm. This kinda sucks. :(

Kay, Glee time! YAY

cmen - kimmy: haha, i'll take your word for it kimmy. things are already getting better. =) yes yes, i bring you go makan all the msian food you've been missing out. bringing any friends back?

This reminded me of a conversation I had with Shiori. Some time, say 7 months back.

It was back when I had you. Back when she told me to bring you back with me so that they can meet you in person. Back when you were the one person I held dear to my heart. The one who I still do.

Yet, now, 7 months later, I'm left here all alone. Sitting and waiting for the day you will come knocking on my door the way you used to. The way you would walk in with a smile on your face. The one smile that used to make my heart beat faster than the gallops of a horse.

I hate this.
I hate remembering this cause I know that there is nothing I can do to make things better.
I hate reminiscing on the times when you would make my nights much more bearable.
I hate knowing that I brought this unto myself.

I hate myself.
I hate the fact that I still care in that way.

urgh, stop Kim. Enough.

* me duele mi corazon porque tu fuiste mi razon pero ahora tu no estas aqui * 

Terror of being Late.

No, not pregnant late, time late, but pregnant late would be insanely scary... If it's unplanned. No guys, don't worry. :)

You know how I've been having weird dreams for the past month right?

Well, yesterday when I took a nap, I dreamt that I was late to dinner. In my dream, the sky looked really dark, light a typical 7pm in Malaysia look. Scaryyyy.
Then this morning, I dreamt that I woke up late for my 1pm class but it was only 9.30 in the morning. -.- MEH

Weirddddddddd

My brain REALLY needs to rest when I'm sleeping. Falling asleep seems to be the hardest to do these days. Kinda sucks. Judging by the fact that I really need the sleep. -.-
And dreams aren't exactly me resting well you see. -.-
Dear god.

Ahh, beauty sleep. I need... Dreamless please.

OH OH!

Look what I found...

Cute eyh? :) 

Answers to My Prayers

The dreams from the past month I think has pushed me to do something I've been supposed to do for a really long time. I'm still kinda bummed at how I had to do it first.
But I think it went okay.
I read my chinese short love stories and I felt really empty.
Being able to talk to you still doesn't change a thing.
You're still at a distance.

Munch.

I dreamt that I was a vampire. No wait, I dreamt that my immediate family were all vampires. It was kinda cool. They all look so different. And we had breakfast at this place, it was on a scaffolding next to the roof of this insanely tall building. SCARY as shit.

I had a fear for heights despite my being a vampire.

I ate normal food instead of sucked blood.

I drove a manual car around Japan. It flew too! It could fit more than it looked like it could. But it didn't fly when I was driving it. Kinda weird if you ask me.

I had long hair too! :) Like, super long smooth hair. RAWR. :) I likee. Hmm. :) I likeeeee.

And somehow, we were on a mission to save these teens. They were yelling at Thao to save them and I was with her, explains the car. :) Man, its too long to go into detail la. Seriously.

But, I woke up with a strained neck. Not the coolest thing in the world but meh. :)

Yes. Back to reality... I went to Starbucks thinking I could get some studying done. We get there, got our coffee, only to find that we needed to buy a Starbucks card in order to use the wifi for only 2 hours a day! SERIOUSLY?! -.-
Wow, this has gone TOO FAR. INSANITY this is! SIGH.

As you can see, the Fresh-End-Sesh went down pretty well. :) I'm kinda happy. :) The turnout was kinda good. :) Everyone got to have fun and all. :) But I got soaked. Thank goodness you didn't have to see that. :)
But all in all, I am glad it turned out well. :)
Thank you Eddie Ng, Mia Russell, Charlie Kerhin. :)

This year has been fun. :) Working with you guys have been super. :) I thoroughly enjoyed myself. :) 

Some photos of the successful event. :)

Haha. :) Me encanta. 

You Haunt Me In My Dreams.

OMG.

What? But why?

It's been a whole month. I think this is getting out of control. It's kinda scary if you ask me.

And every time, it is something new, always getting better. How great it would be if it were in real life too. I am heading out on a Field Trip today. I am kinda tired. But mehh. :)

I got drenched last night by the way! Did I tell you? It was horrible. It was after I showered too! MEH! GOSH.

Oh well. The lights were really pretty last night... You should've seen it! I am kinda proud of myself. :)

And thank you everyone who lent me your lights. :) Your lights were so beautiful! :)

Pictures up soon. :) Imma go get ready for the field trip now. :)

One Two Three, No Only You and Me.

Okay.

Guess what. Since that day that I was up till sunrise, I've been insanely happy and hyper.

I am smiling and grinning wider than Garfield or the Cheshire cat. I must admit, it feels kinda good but kinda weird at the same time. Hmm.

I dunno. I'm just sayingg... :)

Anyway, yesterday was a bit of a bummer cause I felt that time just flew by too fast that I couldn't do ANYTHING. But, for Pac Basin, instead of having class, we watched "A Village Called Versailles". It was really mind boggling.



Somehow this movie, in the end made me realize something that made me feel a little bit more comfortable with our current situation and somehow watching it, I thought about you and what you told me about your life. Somehow it compelled me to want to talk to you even more... Did you know that I knocked on your door last night...? It was for homework, but I did so anyway...

The semester is ending.

My Freshman year is coming to a stop.

Oh wow.

I'm becoming a Sophomore soon.

OH BOY.

Yes. Today is day 3, soon, I will be totally happy. With or without you.

Nasi Lemak.

I was talking to Kamron yesterday while eating school cafeteria Pad Thai.

He was describing Nasi Lemak. And I could imagine it.

The sambal, the ikan bilis, the egg, rendang. OH MY GOD.

Is it really bad that I really want a big fat juicy bite of the rendang chicken? Oh dear...

This is killing me on the inside. Miss Kristi gave us donuts, I can't take another bite no more. My taste buds crave nasi lemak. Mmh, my throat just started aching again. This is bad.

I am running on 10 minutes of sleep, I don't think that really counts as sleep.

SIGH.

Last night was a big stretch for me. I looked at you in the eye for the first time in a long time. Sure, I felt the same old emotions but I guess I needed to stretch myself, out of my comfort zone.

Due in 3, 2, 1

Okay so the paper is due in 3 hours. I've one page and a bit more.

It's crazy. So much to read and shit.

MMH.

Its that time of semester again. Goshlings.

I think this madness should stop, its so not helpful.

Can die kay.

DIE. *stab* oof.

Stop.

So I went to the Antheneum with Thao to study. So I brought Pac Basin readings to catch up on.

However, at one page, I fell asleep and went into deep sleep.

I dreamt of something but couldn't remember that I dreamt about anything when I woke up. But when we were walking back, I remembered. Oh wow. -.- Shocker. I kinda remembered the story too.

We were really good friends again and you were really nice to me. I don't know if that is a sign or something.

I kinda wanna go to bed now. I shall do that I think. I still have tomorrow to do this. Yes. I will

PROMISE.

Dream.

I've been having weird dreams all week/ month.

Yet, I am not getting the sleep in need.

Goddamn lah seriously.

IF was okay. I kinda regret buying all those things.

Oh well.

Giving out candy at the end was the best part of my day.

Back to Basics.

Okay. So, while waiting for my laundry at 3 in the fucking morning, I fell ASLEEP ARGH :(

And some kind soul put my pants back into the dryer cause yes, it was kinda wet a bit. -.-

MEH. And I fell asleep, only to get back up at almost 7 in the morning back to my room for a 30 minute nap perhaps.

Been performing all day and manning the booth. So I decided not to cancel it in the end.

MMH.

I am tired. But I are heading out to Ninas for indian food!! ;)

RAWR. I love you Ana Laraia.

Pulled out my kebaya for the first time since I got here today. :) I kinda like it but I've been itchy all afternoon and it was kind of a bad idea since it was so effing HOT. -.- MEH.

Oh well. :)