Lessons on Saying Sorry

As we close up 2019, I am once again at a point where I feel compelled to collect feelings compiled from the year. Needless to say, 2019 has been an eventful year. In the year of 2019, I have (in no particular order)....

1. Officially completed over a year of working for the folks
2.  Switched rinks to a place where I feel comfortable coaching
3. Added new toys to my possession, albeit at a price tag that may not fully justify it's use
4. Noticed increases in credit card bills on a monthly basis
5. Come back full circle in realizing that I have spent too much money unnecessarily
6. Completed some pretty challenging but fun freelance work, of that I have to count my blessings
7. (This one is a first world problem) Skipped out the first year of my US travel visa 
8. Pissed off quite a lot of people, including myself (and as a result)
9. Cried bucket loads of tears in frustration, bitterness, and everything else in between
10. Attempted (failed, and am still struggling) being plant based 

I am an avid believer in going through the process. 

Over the years I have observed that the only way to becoming better, is to be dragged through the mud. Through my own experiences, I began to understand what they meant by "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger". This year, I found myself using the next example quite often when talking about change. I once read that the process of change/improvement is like dealing with clay. Before you can mould the clay, you have to pick it up, throw it down a few times, so that the clay becomes compact. Whether it is about policy, governance, career, or even lifestyle. There has to be that rough stage before things can begin to take shape/form. 

It took a while to come to this explanation. In fact, it was not until I was introduced to Gary Vaynerchuk (Gary Vee, I'm sure most of us know who he is) that I could put these thoughts into words. When I watched the clips on his Instagram, the words he spoke rang a bell. He speaks often of "the process", and how things have to progress, that they take time. But he also emphasizes that you have to "be able to eat shit" before you can even begin to see the fruits of your work. Granted, he refers mostly to careers (which most of us struggle with), but seeing how work IS inevitably a part of life, he means life. 

On midnight of 2019, I was nursing an awful migraine, soothing myself to sleep as fireworks went off around me. If you've ever had a migraine, you would know that you'd be ultra sensitive to any light, sounds, or smells. There I was, in that awful state, but I told myself that when I woke up, it'd be a new day, and that I could strive to a better me. I was not wrong. This year was a tough year of dealing with my emotions, my socials, my finances, and my life choices. For starters, I was about 4 months into my current job working for my folks, but disliking every minute of it. On top of that, I had to do the ONE job among many others that held the title of "sales". A post that I absolutely dislike, but have to do. To make matters worse, using my acting skills, I was able to rake in a considerable amount of sales, much to my surprise and dismay (that means that I was "good" at what I was doing, even though I did not necessarily like it). This got worse around the middle of the year, where I realized that I really did not like my job. Because you see, my real love is acting, with a set and crew, plus a script/story. Not only did I know deep down in my heart that I did not like it, but my body was beginning to reject it. I was getting sick often, or be overcome with exhaustion, but would still force myself to get out of bed. Day in, day out. Week after week, month after month. 

Part of the process, is the heartbreak

It was also around this time that I reconnected with someone who I had lost touch with. To make referencing easy, we shall name said person M. We lost touch because I felt that my disagreement to one of their choices. The discussion became too heavy, and in a moment of disagreement, the phone call was disconnected, and left that way until I was invited out for dinner. It felt like the perfect timing, as one of my closest friends had just moved back to the US for her PhD program. I had always admired this person for their ability to give up a dream job for many, to start something of their own. I was also constantly amazed at this person's intelligence, and ability to articulate that made the person so easy to talk to. We were hanging out often, as if to make up for all that lost time. At one point, I even opened up about my work, and how suffocated I felt. I even broke down in front of others as it was such a low time.

But, like any and everything, there was a breaking point. The breaking point was when, in a moment of panic, I was removed from this person's communication. Completely cut off and removed like a piece of trash. The details leading up to the breaking point are personal between the both of us, so shall remain as such. But long story short, I felt disrespected, thus disappointed in a person who I saw so highly of. So, in response, it felt like the rest of the world was also against me. Oh, and did I mention, that work was not exactly great? It could've just been me, but it felt like office politics were beginning to get heavier around the same time. 

In anger, I went to work. In anger, I showed my fangs and bit back when I felt like those around me were being disrespectful. In clear earshot of others, I raised my voice in anger as I trembled and bellowed at one colleague. In anger, I mistook another colleague's mocking, and hurt the person emotionally when I spoke up against it. In the moment, I spoke up against injustice, but in retrospect, it may not have been my place to do so. Both of these colleagues of mine were people who had known me since I was in my pre-teens. Both made upset by me, in a span of a week. As a ripple effect, I managed to upset two others. 

Needless to say, I was angry. Really angry. 

The key is to STOP feeling sorry for yourself

For the next few weeks, I went to work and through life, just sad. I went to work, like a zombie. Day in, day out. Silence. No laughing, no interacting, no smiling, no chit chat. I felt dead on the inside. After work, I'd go home, avoid talking to my family, and just crying in bed. Next morning, repeat. I was barely getting acting jobs, for good reason. I was burnt out, and looked like the walking dead. I needed the time to just rest. This went on for a little while. The only time I was not feeling like this was when I was coaching my kids. For some reason, the moment I stood on the ice with my skates on, with the kids, it is as if nothing had happened. 

Luckily for me, last year, while attending a classmate's wedding, I made a new friend. Our interaction was short, but meaningful. Since exchanging our instagram, we would check in on one another, mostly me being checked on, because I am bad at checking in (mostly because I feel awkward in doing so). Around this time, I shared what had happened. In return, got a bunch of cool drawings, a lot of sass, and a big fat slap (much needed crude reminder) that I have to STOP FEELING SORRY FOR MYSELF. Not only was I being told this, Gary Vee's content was also drumming a lot about being responsible for your own shit, and owning it. 

Alright. It was time. So, the first thing I did, was chant about it. (Back story, I practice Nichiren Buddhism and am a part of the Soka Gakkai. Part of our practice is to chant Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo twice a day. Of course, I was slacking at the time, feeling sorry for myself. Going to bed with my own pity party instead of owning my shit). During that process, I cried a bunch, and I told myself, no more pity partying. So one by one, I began apologizing to my colleagues who I have wronged. I may not like my job, but that's all on me. No one else deserves to be yelled at. I've since made up with all but one colleague, who still intimidates me and actively ignores me. That's cool. In time, maybe. 

A friend once relayed a message told by a deceased friend. The friend mentioned an observation of their friendship, that was smooth sailing. One that did not encounter arguments ore fights. "We never once fought, or got angry at one another. It's not a bad thing, it's just that it doesn't give us a sense of intimacy." "What do you mean?" "Fighting or arguing about something gives the relationship meaning. Of course, not to fight over nothing, but to have disagreements every now and then, gives the relationship a new meaning, a sense of closure, and deep understanding & bonding. 

Easing out of quick sand; still stuck, but surely

So here I was, making strides and feeling victorious with my colleagues. Of course, life does not end there. In the last year, I have had a handful of discussions with my family that did not end great. In 2019, I have dedicated most of my time to staying silent when it came to disagreements in the family. But recently, in disappointment, I walked away from preparing dinner midway. Instead, opted for silence, and a dinner strike. Usually, I would raise my voice when we were all called for a family meeting. I'd be the first to chime in my thoughts and opinions. This time, my dad came to speak to me in person. While I voiced my opinion, I did my best to be level headed, to find my words, and speak them instead of yell them. I expressed my disappointment, shared my hurt, and explained that I was in no correct state to have a diplomatic discussion. 

A couple weeks back, I also met up with M. This was inspired by Atypical on Netflix (a show highly recommended in my list). The protagonist, a kid on the autistic spectrum went through an agonizing period of losing his best friend over a major disagreement, but ended up saving the BFF. If an autistic kid can put aside his pride, so can I, I thought. So we met, I got an apology, and responded. As close as we once were, I could not bring myself to look M in the eye and fully look past the hurt. While pouring out my thoughts, I just looked to the side and kept my glance at the distance. Then when I was told that the ball is now in my court, I felt overwhelmed and left. 

This incident reminded me of a classmate I was once close to, but who I had hurt tremendously. I would like to say it was not my fault, but I have no one to blame but myself. While we've remained civil, we can never go back to the way our friendship once was. I take full responsibility for my actions, and do not expect the person to share my desire for the friendship to go back to the way they once were. Granted, we all make mistakes, but some mistakes are meant to be made for the lessons to be learnt. Boy, did I learn my lesson. It was a heavy price to pay. The only difference is, now the roles are reversed. Even more so now, I whole-heartedly comprehend the hurt my friend received. While I've been forgiven for the hurt I've caused, it can never be forgotten. 

Actions speak louder than words

No scenario is the same, thus, the significance of the apology shall follow. If I could turn back time, I would change the way I hurt my classmate. But the lesson I learnt has played a huge role in how I would like to respect, and be respected, a struggle I still face today. While I seem to have made amends with my colleagues, the best I can be is civil with my classmate. Easier said than done, it is the actions that mean most. For starters, not being a dick is the rule of thumb. No one likes a person who treats you like garbage, so why do the same to others? As kids, whenever we'd have a squabble with another person, our parents/guardians would put us in a room until we apologized to one another. Doesn't matter who was wrong, both parties were involved in this squabble, so both have wronged the other. As adults, the mere act of saying sorry is such a tall order. 

A friend recently recalled something from her Social Psych class:
"Often times, people apologize for themselves, and not for how they made the other person feel". She said that we don't realize this, but when we say sorry, we go "I'm sorry. I did this because___". It's always the case when people apologize because subconsciously, we're trying to protect ourselves, by making ourselves look good. When actually, it's more harmful that way. 

HUH.

While using words to say "I'm sorry" takes a lot out of one's ego, sometimes, words just do not suffice. As someone who has struggled with expressing myself, I often find myself in situations where I feel frustrated in failing to properly express my thoughts. So often times, I compensate by doing something that I feel is "nice" as a way of expressing myself. As a result, I am also acutely aware that my preference for apologies should come in forms of actions. Instead of just saying sorry, how about actually showing the other person that you're sorry? No need to beat yourself up in front of the person you wronged. Instead, show up more. Truly give it your best shot. With my colleagues, I am still in the process of checking in with them, getting to know them in little ways. All while sharing with them my favorite dark chocolate digestive cookies. It's small, but I'm hoping it's helping them slowly move past our differences. 

Most of us aren't kids anymore. If you can read this, and have read this far, I'm confident that you believe that you are a grown adult, and that you can make wise life decisions. Since we're not kids who have been forced to say sorry, (based on my own personal experience), I've observed these approaches: 

1. As painful as it was, reflect on what happened from start to current point
2. Sincerely apologizing for how we made the OTHER person feel
3. WITHOUT explaining WHY I did what I did back there
4. Using our actions to help all parties involved move past what happened
5. Understand that if the person still refuses to see you, that this person needs more time and space to be with that feeling. Pushing them for an answer/response is not going to help you/the situation
6. Recognizing that some things may not go back to where they were, and that's okay. We're all individual people, with individual lives. Life goes on, with or without each other

Challenge for 2020: How to piss people off, without telling them to piss off

Pissing people off when the universe is making it happen, is alright, as it is part of that growth process. So why add more fuel to the fire by being unnecessarily tough? 2019 was definitely a year filled with pissing people off. While it may not be intentional, the next course of action, at least for me, is to avoid making others feel lesser than they feel/are. We all know that once the words leave us, we can never take them back. In 2019, I've observed some new ways to be patient. My job of working in sales has also given me a new found perspective on what it means to be patient. My biggest challenge moving forward is really making the conscious effort to scream less, and listen more. A good friend once taught me, when you're listening, count to twenty before you respond. And more recently, I've learnt "W-A-I-T" which stands for "WHY-AM-I-TALKING". From my observations, I blow up often because I seldom give others the chance to finish what they're saying before I respond. Leaving me like a lobster in boiling water. Moving forward, this is something I'm going to strive towards. 

A Luminous Sapphire

Since it's the festive season, and as the year comes to a close, I wanted to take this little time left of the year to talk about an experience that occurred this year.

I thought I'd also accompany this story with an item I had eyed for over a year (I finally bought it after much much thought, and after keeping it in the drawers, opened it today). Said item and the story are somewhat intertwined, and I thought it befitting to show off said item.

Anyway, the story goes like this.. Sometime in the middle of 2018, I was in the process of purchasing this gorgeous fountain pen that I've been eyeing for a while. For some magical reason, the company, Benupen from Russia, had been following me on Instagram which led me to browse through their items. After a long time of oogling over the pens, I decided to gift myself with two pens from this company.

The purchase itself was smooth, with the correspondent being really helpful and informative. (Most of the interaction happened over Instagram) But what came after reminded me of just how much good there is in this world.

You see, around this time, a person close to heart was in Russia for work. Let's name the person, C. Just a little background on C: C is a foreigner to Russia, with zero understanding of the language and geography of the city. One day, C was sent out by a colleague to pick up art supplies. With only the address in hand, C was sent off to get the supplies needed for work. Needless to say, C got super lost. Despite using an Uber, C was sent to the wrong place. Poor thing didn't know what to do, and no one spoke English.

Luckily for me, I had just completed the purchase of my pens and was speaking to the correspondent about some other issues. In desperation, I asked the correspondent, Kate, to help me. (If you're reading this, Hi Kate!) Without hesitation, Kate agreed to help C. She checked C's location, got her to the supply store, called C to help with translation, then got C back to home base. All this for a complete stranger!

When C got back to the hotel, I could hear the huge relief that rolled off C's back. Oh man. I would've been just as nervous if I were in that situation. I've never met Kate, and from the sound of it, she's just a mere employee of Benupen, but she went out of her way to help a stranger that could give her nothing in return, really warmed my heart.

I know I know, you're probably thinking that this is way overdue. Why even bother talking about it after so long.. Well, to be honest, I had been wanting to talk about this for a really long time. This one day was so significant that I really wanted to make sure that I etched the time out to put this story out there.

2018 had been a rather challenging time. Not just for me, I'm sure. But I had experienced lots of changes and issues that are still playing out as the year comes to an end. This story is something that I hold dear to me, because of the immense warmth and kindness that came from it. I thought I'd just share this small but significant story.

As the year comes to a close, I shan't make anymore empty promises of a fuller blog, but I guess from time to time, I'd like to still be able to share stories that made an impact in my life. Here's to the remainder of 2018, and cheers to a fulfilling 2019.

Thank you, Kate from Benupen. I have not met you in person but I hope that if I do, I would like to give you the biggest hug.

Oh, and here is ONE of the two gorgeous pens that I bought.

Happy New Year everyone

A Love Story

I want to take a moment to address something I hold truly dear to my heart.



Since the age of 4, after watching a video of figure skating, I fell in love.
I was so drawn by the grace, the beauty (yes, the costumes had SOMEthing to do with it), and fun factor I could get from spinning. Trust me when I say that I kept spinning right after that... The spinning often drove my parents insane. Haha.

After years of bugging my parents (mom), I had the great fortune in taking lessons from the age of 13. Since then, for a solid 6 years, I was lucky enough to participate in competitions and had the chance to "climb" the skating ladders until I left for university.

Fast forward to September of 2017, I was lucky enough to get a job at a rink that feels so much like home. The woman who had coached me for most of my skating years is now my "boss" and still treats me like her student. She continues to provide me (and the other coaches) training not only to become a good coach, but also to improve our skating skills.

Some days, I have really bad days, and some days, I feel like I am flying on the ice.

Two days ago, I had to tie & untie my skates so many times, until I settled with two sore feet. The kind that felt more like a tight squeeze you get from a corset, and was not really having it.

However, today in particular, was a great day:
For starters, my skates were in the perfect fit. No pain, and not too loose.
Secondly, a guest coach is visiting and today we worked on some really useful dance steps, which we then had to incorporate that into our jumps afterwards.
Granted, I fell a couple times, and I slipped even more.
But it was so fun, the hour flew by so fast, and I didn't want it to end at all.

After the training, we stayed back a little for some spins, and I saw the progress that I was making. Even after a decade of absence from the ice, finally being able to come back to where I left off was truly rewarding.

*

I know, lots of people don't see skating as a sport. They don't think it compares to "soccer"/ "football", or *inserts some sport*. Growing up, I have dipped my toes in many many many sports. You name it, I've tried it. Sprinting, long distance running (it didn't take long for me to say goodbye), basketball, volleyball, football (soccer), badminton, tennis, squash, high jump, American football, swimming, rock climbing, ballet, gymrama.. the list goes on. And don't get me wrong, I enjoy some of them thoroughly.. Even the ones that had me saying "THAT WAS PAINFUL" are still like little pieces of my smelly pillow etched on my little fragile heart. Looking back, I have fond memories of myself participating in those sports.

However...

Figure skating, by far, takes the cake in my sporting life, despite getting teased, made fun of, and confidently told that skating is an "easy" sport, or "not even a sport at all".
So! Like everything, even with food, I dare everyone (especially those teasers) to [come by the rink and] give it a go. I will be more than happy to watch you prove your point.



Needless to say, this sport will have a huge part of my heart. That little 4 year old that fell in love is still very very much in love. A love hate sometimes. But oh so in love.

Today was a really really good day.

I'm Changing My Name!

Hello!

It's been a while.
Indeed.


While everyone is out catching up to their new year's resolutions (or taking care of the almost forgotten ones from the yesteryears), I have made up my mind.
I'm changing my name.
My insta name that is.
Psych.


This is actually something I've thought about for a while.
Like a tattoo that I don't want to regret, I knew that I had wanted a change.
M previous handle kimberleyknhe is still a huge part of me and it will thus remain the same but this name actually has a story behind it.

Over the years, we've seen an increase in 2 varying train of thoughts in regards to social media.
1. The social media norm of posting photos that reflect the surface of one's reality
2. The once social media influencers that have come out to talk about their experiences as a social media influencer and the negative effects they've faced.

So far, in my experience, I've only seen a majority of the 2 train of thoughts above.
While I do have a FB & Twitter account, I use both of them only for the purpose of work/ group activities and banking on the joy that I have so little followers that I get to just spit whatever I'm thinking. So those two social media accounts are for my own benefits than anything else.. (please do not follow me) I don't even have my birthday on there.

And it's got me thinking...
I've not seen anyone been totally honest on their social media.
So far, I've seen those Buzzfeed videos where they post "the truth" on their social media for a week.
But after that video, it's back to the usual.
To many, I'm considered to be a lazy mo-fo. I am inconsistent with posting anything, let alone being hard working in going through all the filters and stuff. At most I use Insta filters and tweaks. Even my hastags make the occasional appearance... when I feel like it.

ANYWAY.

In a very minute way, I have been a mini enthusiast of photography. Give me a DSLR and...
I will still be confused with all the manual tweaks (trust me, this is one of those things my brain just doesn't want to remember no matter how many times I've learnt it...) But give me a smart phone, or any point and shoot, and I will use the heck out of that camera.
Less is more. I like to see what angles and perspectives I can use to optimize my photos instead of buttons and pulleys I can never remember.

This got me thinking: "why not bank on that?"

Instead of posting my "best featured" photo, I will post my daily things. It can be something happy, totally sad, or even something totally honest like "I peed without toilet paper today" but my challenge is to use basic cellphone cameras to take a photo using natural elements and angles. While some of the content may be grim, I believe that it would be a more realistic expression of the human experience.

Thus... starting January 21 2018 (MYT)

My new handle will be krimgram

I don't think I need to explain the choice. It's not that hard to put two and two together.

So, if you're asking..
What's new with me for 2018?
I'm changing my name.
I hope you'll support me in my endeavor as I post something on the daily, and I hope that you would help me as I work on my basic simple photography skills!

xo

Kim

Sidenote: this will not be and IS NOT a reveal of my private life as I like to believe that I'm a pretty private person and I'd like to keep it that way.. previous experiences have compelled me to keep my own life to myself and I intend to make that a status quo.

A Dialogue I Had with Myself

A few days ago, I had a conversation with myself. It went a little something like this...

Contents have been modified to make sense of the conversation without revealing the personal bits/person(s) involved.
To make things easily comprehensible, I will name myself K & H. K for the conscious, H for the subconscious.

H: Wasn't that weird? Don't you think that was really weird?
K: Yeah dude. It was.
H: Here's the more important question. Why are you down grading yourself, why do you let yourself be the person who gives in first?
K: I don't know. I just..
H: I mean, don't you respect yourself enough to be take a step back and just let things happen naturally? Why do you always put others before yourself first?
K: ...

H: I mean, look, I get it. But don't you think that question makes sense? Don't you think you should re-evaluate your situation thus far? It only makes sense as to why your friend exit rates are this high..
K: Hey, I have people who love me too!
H: Right. But you also have some who've said goodbye and their departure still boggles you sometimes.
K: Right. I'm a terrible person. Sometimes I wonder why I throw myself at people. Especially when I start liking someone...
H: Yeah. Why do you do that..
K: I.. *sigh* This is why people can't stand me, and they leave.


H: Well, okay. Honestly, it's not your fault. No one is perfect. You... you obviously have a lot of stuff that you can improve on. But it doesn't make you a bad person. Sometimes, it's just that some others are okay with you, like they know it's a part of you and they accept that its who you are. And there are some who just can't deal with you. But you and I know that you can never make everyone happy. It's a known fact. There will always be people who can look past all this stuff and love you. But sadly, for the small amount of people who do, there will be a big amount of those who won't. It doesn't make you or them a bad person, its just not meant to be..
H: I think one thing you can do is remember this.. if something comes, or like if someone comes into your life, let them. But it's also really important that you remind yourself not to beat yourself up when that same someone/something has to leave. When it's time to leave, let it. Maybe tug at it a little to gage their stance with you, but when its time, let it end.

Quick Update

The days leading up to my weekend has been eventful to say the least.

My heart sorta went into overdrive, emotionally at least.
And now, is slowly stepping off the roller coaster ride and doing deep exhale exercises.

But now that that's out of the way, it is time for work.

Much much awaited work.

Starting with this little link that I had vowed to update every week but seem to only do so when my mind is off duty from work/feels/meetings/sleep/errands.
Bloody excuses.

Yep, so here is something to let you guys know that I am excited about this project that I am currently working on. It is a script, a task that has been graciously presented to me over last few days, which I had painstakingly been chugging at mentally so far. Everything feels like it's been spread out in front of me in a beautiful mess, now all that's left of it is for me to pull everything together into a flawless piece of writing.

Of course, among other things, errands and my "day job" as I like to call it will still come into play.

Meanwhile I am also keeping tabs on my emotional wellbeing, ensuring that I am taking good care of my mental health, and also to really push myself towards better physical health.


I hope you guys are also taking vigil over your health, both mental and physical.
Talk, share, experience, vent.
Even if it's to a stranger on a dating app that you'll never ever see ever again.
Do it.
Before it's too late.

So Many Things I Wish I Could Tell 유

//The scariest bit about this entire thing was:

Not really knowing who to turn to 

I'm not sure if July is the month of break ups,

But I've bumped into video after video about break ups,

Articles on love and preserving them

Opinion pieces and suggestion columns 

About relationships, misunderstanding, and expectations

In the first week itself, 

I've learnt about the assumptions exes make

Read about the biggest killers that cause make heads bake

and how love can come in the form of a bologna sandwich. 

As I watch these, read these, consider these

I can't help but feel like I'm the worst to date.

//In the two weeks since our silence,

so many things have happened.

In the same time that all of these has been happening,

I had things that's got me counting my blessings.

For starters, the 3rd day from D-Day, 

I got my cousin who came to wipe the tears away.

She picked me up as I fell to the ground

Propped me up in anger paired with concern

Shed tears the way she shared her compassion

Like a waterfall, resilient, strong, yet calm

She embraced me and reminded me to carry on.

In the next few days, I got booked myself an audition

I went in despite knowing that I'd be nothing but a poor addition

Then I received an email 

It said that I'm a participant on a radio show

Little did I know that my demons would show their tails

As my performance level was nothing but low

Leaving me no choice but to be the first one to go.

Since the episode on at the radio company,

To be forgiving & understanding is something I've begun to see 

After being eliminated, I've once again evaluated my direction 

So much so, it's gotten me all fired up back into motion

//The amount of times I've been asked about marriage 

has only increased. But instead of feeling silently proud that I still have you,

I've come up with snarky angry responses to get the questions to stop, 

even if only for the day. 

It's a week before Seoul Pride.

I had this dream that involved the church protestors. 

I, along with the others were all at the bus station

I was prepping with Hayden and others to board the bus

Excited to be celebrating love, acceptance, and for being who we are

The protestors, clad in white, were waiting near us,

But surprisingly, so was I.

Since they were doing their own thing, 

my friends and I just let them be.

Then when the bus showed up, 

and we all boarded the bus, 

we weren't alone, as the protestors also boarded.

I had plonked myself down at the very front, 

as the protestors filed to the back.

In surprise, I asked Hayden "what's up with that?"

only to learn that this had been a tradition.

"They've always been riding with us in peace,

it started with only a few of them 

but it grew over the years" 

But even as Hayden was explaining to me,

One of the angry ahjumma protestors came up to me with a giant banner

telling me to write in to a religious magazine in protest.

Calmly, I let her finish what she had to say

then with a giant smile, legs spread wide,

I locked eyes with her and told her 

"you know I'm gay, right?" 

//Oh yeah,  생일 축하해.
I remembered it this year.