Thoughts, Thoughts, Feels

As years pass, I find myself more and more perplexed by my feelings which seem contrast pretty strongly from one another.

On the one hand, I've been feeling emotionally overwhelmed. I could shed a tear watching a good movie. Take for example,

this movie

or this movie

or when a person who I hold dear has to leave to go back to work, makes me friggin' bawl like a baby needing it's momma. It's as if my tear ducts have a mind of it's own!! Crazy. 

And well of course, all the not so pleasant stuff going on with my personal life nowadays.. I guess it's pretty much natural for me to also, just cry. And in these trying moments, I feel pretty much alone, with no one I can really turn to, nor anyone I could just call and spill my feelings out to. And since I have all this energy for seeking out friends to talk to, I've started chanting more and had the courage to speak back to myself and to critically start reflecting on my past (romantic) relationships. I'm happy to report that I believe I'm onto something here (though damn it's pretty damn hard to swallow all this about myself). 

I'd like to share it all, but to prematurely put my thoughts out would be my assumptive self trying to protect something. So instead, I'll just start with..

Recurring patterns in which my (last 2) relationships tend to play out:

1. No titles. I've wanted the relationship, but without the titles. For reasons that differ with each relationship. 

2. Our time together tended to include staying together a bunch (under the same roof)

3. I would try to convince myself that there is something worth pursuing, even though I would have other reasons as to why I should just let go before they do.

4. I didn't want to be the bad guy so I'd just convince myself to look on the bright side of the person/relationship. 

5. After convincing myself that leaving them is a bad idea, I would seek out the one thing I didn't want in the first place.

6. I'm left to pick up the pieces myself because they've gone to someone else. 

I think there's more. I need more time to get this list straight. 

Blocked Thursday

You know those times when you have a lot to say but you just blank?

Or when you've thought about all these things just to have them disappear because you never wrote them down?

Well, this is happening to me and so I feel like I'm kind of running around like a headless chicken lately.. Thus not so impressive posts or much lack thereof :(

So here's something I'd like to share instead:

Sorry it's so dark haha 

Op Thursday

Unfortunately it's only on Facebook..

Click here to go there (; 

Thursday Smileys

Since it's so tiny there,

I've included it here...

Thank you Menelik Tafari for constantly sharing articles and things (: 

Thursday Trail

Thursday Trance

Thoughtful Tuesday

A Conversation

Be true. 
Play your role. 
However you define it to be. 
But what IS my role?
I can't tell you that fore sure. 
But what I can tell you is that it's lies within your core.
So, I'm supposed to already know my role?
Yes. Inherently you already possess the understanding of it.
In that case, then why can't I properly express myself and carry out this role?
That's because it hasn't fully manifested itself yet. You're still in that process of being able to! 
That still doesn't quiet help. How can I get to know what my role is faster?
Well, sweetheart, we all learn it at a different pace. Some know it from a young age, some at a much later time in life. Everything that you are experiencing now is vital for your growth and change toward the role you are meant to play!
Must I go through this process?
Sweetheart, if you look back at some of the clothing items you bought when you were 10, do you think you would still buy it if you walked into a store and saw the exact same thing?
Well, no. But then again, I do have clothes from that time that I'd like to re-live.
And why do you think that is, that you would re-live some of the old clothes?
Maybe because it was something I used to hate but would now flaunt? Because it makes for a pretty darn good story.
Exactly. 

Wednesday Wonders

are we being too shallow in looking at life? I' beginning to think so..

Monday Madness

A slightly lengthier one but I thought it fitting to do so for this one.

Tuesday

Tuesday