So Many Things I Wish I Could Tell 유

//The scariest bit about this entire thing was:

Not really knowing who to turn to 

I'm not sure if July is the month of break ups,

But I've bumped into video after video about break ups,

Articles on love and preserving them

Opinion pieces and suggestion columns 

About relationships, misunderstanding, and expectations

In the first week itself, 

I've learnt about the assumptions exes make

Read about the biggest killers that cause make heads bake

and how love can come in the form of a bologna sandwich. 

As I watch these, read these, consider these

I can't help but feel like I'm the worst to date.

//In the two weeks since our silence,

so many things have happened.

In the same time that all of these has been happening,

I had things that's got me counting my blessings.

For starters, the 3rd day from D-Day, 

I got my cousin who came to wipe the tears away.

She picked me up as I fell to the ground

Propped me up in anger paired with concern

Shed tears the way she shared her compassion

Like a waterfall, resilient, strong, yet calm

She embraced me and reminded me to carry on.

In the next few days, I got booked myself an audition

I went in despite knowing that I'd be nothing but a poor addition

Then I received an email 

It said that I'm a participant on a radio show

Little did I know that my demons would show their tails

As my performance level was nothing but low

Leaving me no choice but to be the first one to go.

Since the episode on at the radio company,

To be forgiving & understanding is something I've begun to see 

After being eliminated, I've once again evaluated my direction 

So much so, it's gotten me all fired up back into motion

//The amount of times I've been asked about marriage 

has only increased. But instead of feeling silently proud that I still have you,

I've come up with snarky angry responses to get the questions to stop, 

even if only for the day. 

It's a week before Seoul Pride.

I had this dream that involved the church protestors. 

I, along with the others were all at the bus station

I was prepping with Hayden and others to board the bus

Excited to be celebrating love, acceptance, and for being who we are

The protestors, clad in white, were waiting near us,

But surprisingly, so was I.

Since they were doing their own thing, 

my friends and I just let them be.

Then when the bus showed up, 

and we all boarded the bus, 

we weren't alone, as the protestors also boarded.

I had plonked myself down at the very front, 

as the protestors filed to the back.

In surprise, I asked Hayden "what's up with that?"

only to learn that this had been a tradition.

"They've always been riding with us in peace,

it started with only a few of them 

but it grew over the years" 

But even as Hayden was explaining to me,

One of the angry ahjumma protestors came up to me with a giant banner

telling me to write in to a religious magazine in protest.

Calmly, I let her finish what she had to say

then with a giant smile, legs spread wide,

I locked eyes with her and told her 

"you know I'm gay, right?" 

//Oh yeah,  생일 축하해.
I remembered it this year.