3 Months in a Nutshell

Wow crocodiles.

I can't believe it has been 3 months since my last update. So much has happened since I thanked my beloved father for his endless dedication to making our family's lives a happier, healthier, and more comfortable one. Once again, thanks dad! In real life though, I had JUST gotten off the phone with our family man too so I'm feeling extra filial atm.

Any Hooters. 

As I was saying, a shit ton has happened since my last post. And after what happened today, I think it was most definitely due time for a much much anticipated & needed update.

So Kim, what happened today?

Glad you asked, Chip!
But before I go into that, let me just really quickly run through what has occurred over the last 3 months:

1. For starters, yours truly had so much fun in Level 6. Oh man. The workload sure was something! My classmates, fellow Level 6-ers, and I were bombarded with Power Point presentations (which I always made extra effort for, even if we only got 1 damn point for it), group presentations, prep work, or some sort of extra point big presentation (where we took up certain roles or did something big like have an official interview with video/audio recordings), not to mention, the workbook exercise that seems to come too quickly on top of our essays, readings, and well, you get the picture.

2. I had the usual work of tutoring my 6 year old student. Which has been fun as usual.

3. Level 6 ended finally! And while all my examination points (which included the Reading, Writing, Speaking, and Listening section) added up to give me a pretty good grade in total, I was unfortunately not given a "graduation certificate". The reason being, for each section, there was a minimum grade to be achieved. Sadly for Kim, her Reading grade was not met. Thus, making Kim unworthy of the certificate. To which I was rather disappointed (let's be real, who wouldn't be, right?), but came to terms with. I've accepted it, and I also have come to understand that I don't need a piece of paper to prove that I know Korean because...

4. I translated 2 whole experiences from Korean to English all on my own. With literally no help. Only for certain words that were absolutely foreign (specific terminology that they don't really teach you in school) so yay! See what I told you?

5. Telling people (especially my parents) about me not passing Level 6 was not very fun because for my parents... Wait, funny story actually, my dad was under the impression that I was in grad school or something T_T (aww..) but of course I explained it to him and he was REALLY sweet about it. He understood it and, like many of my concerned friends asked: "well, are you gonna take the exams again?" The answer is, no. Simple: If I were to do so, I'd have to retake the classes. Do EVERYTHING (in Level 6) all over again, all the presentations, group work, etc, AND THEN take the exams again. Nah. Not worth the time, money, not effort. So instead...

6. When my roommate (who is now in Level 3) started classes, I got her to buy me the reference book for Level 6 to help me understand what I still struggle with. Self help. Yas.

7. But of course, now that Level 6 is over, I have begun to live on my savings and have been job hunting like a mad woman. The initial hunt was dreadful. There were too many jobs that rejected me from the get go with conditions stating "NO SPONSORSHIP WILL BE PROVIDED" or they were jobs I had ZERO expertise in such as engineering.

my sentiments exactly.

8. When I did finally find jobs I could work, it was either unpaid (yeah, cuz I feed my hungry tummy with rays from the sun), or strictly no visa sponsorships will be provided

9. I celebrated my birthday! YAY! I'm out of the quarter life mark, aka no more crisis.. Maybe..?

10. Until one day when I was going to meet a friend to discuss some potential YouTube stuff, she led me to the company on the pretense that I was going to work for them & had an impromptu interview. Then after an hour listening to the CEO tell me what my process was going to be (which was 3 month probation then full time job with visa sponsorship), I was honored the privilege of hearing him yap away about the potential and how he would love to help me grow, I applied to that company after taking a full day trying to figure out what to say for my "cover letter" which was basically answering a ton of questions which leads me to today

11. I got called in for a 2nd interview today, and I showed up on time (remembering how the CEO said his BIGGEST pet peeve was tardiness), actually I showed up early to avoid all that, but for starters, he wasn't even in (oookay). So instead the "Team Manager" interviewed me. He was a lot less friendlier than our first meeting (which included ALL three company heads ie Mr Team Manager) which should have been a tell tale sign. Next, he seemed to be in a rush for something but was patient enough to give me the time of day by asking me if I had any questions. Which I did and fired away. The answers I got back were all starting to match my criterion about my job hunt. They're pretty straightforward: 

• Visa sponsorship
• A job in the field I was passionate about (which is entertainment and they WERE an entertainment company)
• One that'll develop my skills, knowledge & experience 
• Friendly, equal, healthy, happy work environment
• Good pay

Of these 5 conditions, most of them were met. Maybe not so much the pay for now, but being in a 3 month probation period, you don't wanna overcompensate, I get it. The money should last me for those 3 months. So, of course, there was a part of me that was like "NEHHHH too good to be true". But off I was, looking for the right visas to apply for to begin this process. However, I came to an impasse. I would either apply for a 3 month temp work visa (for the probation period), or if I already have an annual contract, to just get a full employment one. That's when I found out that my probation period was not 3 months as stated in the 1st impromptu interview and the interview today, but was FIVE months. Confused I corrected him only to get a firm denial stating that they said FIVE months. Still confused, I messaged the CEO in the group chat, recounting the ENTIRE thing from our impromptu till the very last message. 

The response I got from the CEO was: "Well, I believe that I said our probation period was FIVE months." But my friend having been there during our impromptu, chimed in and vouched that he DID say 3 months. Only for him to say "well, looks like there has been a miscommunication between the speaker and the listener. But let me say this. In Korea (IN KOREA), the probation period for workers is 3 to 10 months (man, no wonder Korea has a high rate of suicide), and for our company, the probation period is 5 months. So after all the back and forth, my friend called me and said, Kim, just let it go. They're not being fair. So just thank them for the opportunity, explain that 3 months would've worked (realistically speaking) but 5 months is just too much of a strain. So I explained just that and thanked them for the opportunity and left the group chat. 

So obviously this news had to go to my parents. 

After listening, mom's advice was:

"ALWAYS write it down. Then at the end of the thing, repeat it so you're both in the same understanding"

Dad called me separately to remind me that this wasn't the end of the world. He reminded me that there are always better things out there that are waiting for the perfect timing. He reminded me not to despair and to keep my head up as tomorrow is a new day. Them being in Europe, he still kept his child in mind and told me to call it a night so I am fueled for the next day. 

Needless to say, this was a valuable lesson. Both mom and dad have their valid points. But tomorrow is a new day. So I shall just focus on that. But I hope that my situation has also shed some light on your own experiences and life. I hope that you don't do the same mistakes I do. Or, DO. Because it is through these mistakes that we remember and when have something to laugh about, as a reminder of how far we have come. 

Looking at today, I can say that I am blessed to have parents that are so kind and understanding. Patient in listening to their daughter while also being encouraging without pressuring me. An experience I truly admire, and appreciate. Thus, I felt the strong urge to share it with you, my fellow readers & comrades in life. 

To that, I say cheers. On to bigger, better things. 

Good night. 

12. Oh I'm also cat sitting and am starting to get the hunch that the owner doesn't really want it anymore..? HAHA

The Challenges Keep Us Alive

Holy shit.

We're only at Wednesday and holy shit is the only expression I can afford.

Monday was as usual, a pretty good start. A little eventless with the exception of a giant nap during our long break in class :) I also handed in my essay corrections, and most recent essays to my teacher. You know, homework :) I felt pretty accomplished. Not gonna lie.

Then Tuesday, the rain was INSANE. It rained from Monday night all through Tuesday night. I guess I was also pretty... stressed? I'm not entirely sure but when my teacher came back with feedback of my work. And man. Not sure what came over me... maybe it was my fatigue and the combination of all the stuff that happened ----> me kinda tearing up while I listened to the teacher's explanation. It's to a point where she was like "no crying" followed by a "why you always cry around me?!" LOL. That was kinda funny. She's right. I have broken down with her around.. which sometimes is coincidence but the rest of the time, is... uh... not sure. Maybe cuz I'm comfortable around her? HAHA but the rain was really pouring that day! which was kinda nice cuz I like rain, but not so much because I stayed up to do work instead of sleep through that delightfully pleasant weather. HA. Least I was productive!

Then yesterday, after a crazy day of presenting, listening to class and watching the time fly by, leaving me to feel... well, lost. HAHA. We had the bazaar to raise money for education in collaboration with UNICEF. It was really fun. I bought an album during the auction, and got something that would be super useful in my kitchen (; HEHE. Then I joined my colleagues for some 막걸리 (Makgeoli aka rice wine) and food. The first bottle was Chestnut and it was so good! The dinner was also really nice because I got to know them a lot better, and in an environment where it's not all just work. We were also taken to this really cool, hidden bar in Itaewon and that place is gorgeous. I friggin love glass windows and this one had so many around us, with a glass roof where we were sitting. It was fantastic! At the end of the night, I was kinda expecting myself to be drunk, or throwing up, or both. That, or a boiled lobster red face. But none of that happen, and I was actually on a good buzz. Which RARELY happens. One of my colleagues actually told me that she's gonna visit my dad's hometown (where my extended family is) and I was so excited and suggested she go hang out with my family. My paternal family is actually one of the warmest people I know around and so I know they would without a doubt be happy to take her in for a day. I was really happy that people would visit that side of Malaysia! After all that talk, we also got into a lot of our other insecurities and life challenges. It felt like I was back at Soka with all my buddies! :)
By the time I went home feeling a little relieved to know that I'm not alone in my personal struggles of understanding life. It was definitely an extremely rare occasion where I learnt all these things about myself and the people around me. I was actually starting to feel like I was going insane because I didn't really understand a lot of things. (I'm at a weird point of re-evaluating and re-learning everything you see) But it was also a really painful night because a friend of mine had been desperately trying to contact me to no avail. She was trying to ask me for my vet's number because her dogs had been poisoned and was looking for help. But being caught up in my conversations, I didn't see her message. By the time I responded, she told me that both her dogs had died. Thus, it was without a doubt that the first thing I did upon returning was to call her to learn about what happened. It broke my heart to learn about it as I cannot imagine if it was my dog. I know for a fact that I definitely would not take it very well. The night kind of ended on a mixed mode but I was also in dire need of some rest so I went to bed with no troubles.


And today, well.. it started off alright. I quickly got up, made breakfast. Brunch by the time I ate, and headed out with the intention of working on my video for the video contest hosted by the school. But I actually didn't have a lot of the footage I needed, and ended up going through what I had to see what I could do with what I had... Then rushed off to teach my kid... we kind of reviewed some of her old stuff and she was having a really tough time. And the hour felt a little like an eternity. Slight exaggeration there. But it was as I was leaving that I was hit with some pretty painful news about my family. Keeping my promise to my colleague, I asked my aunt if they could host her and for the first time in a while I got an apology. I asked what happened and she broke to me some news that I'm still processing:
My dad's family is pretty big. He has quite a lot of siblings & they all actually sell produce for a living. One of my aunts who runs a vegetable stall in the morning market, recently got robbed. Two people hijacked her stall and broke her arm and leg. She actually had to get 3-4 surgeries and now cannot work. But instead helps with the other meat stall that the family runs. With one business down, they're relying on their other resource which is this, but are also faced with more challenges of having workers who have left one by one. So now, not only are my family members swamped, but they're also so strained that they actually don't even eat properly anymore.
When I heard all of this, I didn't know how to react. Despite all this, when my aunt told me what happened, she still was optimistic. She told me that "it's the challenges that keep us alive, right Kim?" and in that instant, I felt really small.

Who's A Hot Mess?

Whoa.

The last month has been such an insanely busy one!
I've taken yet another break from the blogging because I was busy conducting work/catching up with school, and... my life in general.

From my current position, looking at myself, I am somewhat of a mess.

I just found out that:

1. The Visa I had intended on getting cannot be obtained with my current Visa.
2. After this semester, I only have till August to LEARN and make all the mistakes I can make in my Korean learning process.
3. Everyday is a conscious and painful effort to focus on my work, and not on the social media of the person I wish I could talk to instead.
4. I'm starting to wonder if I'm sane anymore. Especially with what I say. I could've sworn that I said A, but I end up getting an angry recount of what I said because I've offended the opposite party. That or what they recall is definitely different from what (I can positively attest to) I've said.
5. This one isn't particularly pressing but. For the school club activities, pizza parties have been scraped, and so have... performing (especially so for Dance and Singing Club. What's the point if we don't showcase the awesome stuff we've learnt?)
 6. I'm worried about my future, and my family, especially my parents and how they're taking care of their health :( & also my beloved doggy. Mom told me that she was really sad when I went away for 2 days (after going home), so much so, she didn't wanna eat. That breaks my heart.

One good news is I managed to complete Level 4, albeit barely. I made it! But it still scares me that I just barely made it :( That means I have a lot to work on as I work through all the other stuff. Which, isn't necessarily a bad thing cuz thankfully I have two REALLY AMAZING teachers. One from my last semester, whose classes I really enjoy, and the other who knows her stuff at a godly level, and is really diligent in teaching us :)

With all that said, I have so many things to be thankful for.

1. I'm thankful for being able to afford to live in a place that has heating. It's no longer winter but it's still pretty cool out, and having hot showers is most definitely something to be thankful for.
2. The classmates I have this semester are pretty great.
3. My roommate makes having a roommate easy. She's super open to new things, she talks a lot, thus is CONSTANTLY keeping my (also) talkative self entertained at all times.
4. My students' moms really like me, and as much as I am no professional, it is always truly heartwarming to hear them tell me that their kid says "that was fun!"and one of them has offered me a job at her center with a visa and housing too. Something to consider & be absolutely grateful for.
5. I get to get my beautiful voice heard on the Korean airwaves, and I get to meet some really nice people when I work at the radio station. An opportunity that nothing can really replace (:
6. People around me are not terminally ill and I get to still hang out with them even if they're physically remote from me. Something that I've often taken for granted. :(
7. I got to meet up with my home boys and girls, and just the fact that I got to fly home to do that with no hiccups, is tear jerking, painfully GOOD.

I think I've lost myself a little bit. 

Now, it's up to me to make things work. 
Time to get back up. 

Ethereal

This quote was so ethereal I had to post it. With all the crap feelings I've been feelings, this, was so beautiful. It's a little like how we can't fully comprehend our feelings, and how we get lost in all the emotions, that we lose all comprehension of them, and start questioning our mental validities in understanding these feelings? 

Reading this quote, I felt like I was staring out at space. I see now why we see so much beauty in space. 

"Life contains the capacity, like flames that reach toward heaven, to transform suffering and pain into the energy needed for value-creation, into light that illuminates darkness. Like the wind traversing vast spaces unhindered, life has the power to uproot and overturn all obstacles and difficulties. Like clear flowing water, it can wash away all stains and impurities. And finally, life, like the great earth that sustains vegetation, impartially protects all people with its compassionate, nurturing force."

Reminded Thursday

Have you ever waken up and understood that you woke up hours later than the actual time?

I woke up today thinking it was 8am when it was already 10.30am. Apparently my friend who is visiting, turned my alarm off before it blasted (every single time it rang) and so I basically slept through the alarms.

And since it was snowing, and I'm still not quite biologically used to waking up in the cold (I usually turn off my heating blanket before knocking out), I am usually out cold till my eyes naturally blink open.

Then when I looked out the window, the buildings nearby had snow caps!

WOOH!

And before I know it, I'm now home, after finishing up a whole day of shipping, shopping, and meeting up with a friend for dinner and desserts. Even slipping in some time to visit a giant teddy bear

But realizing just how quickly time flies, and how waking up even an hour late affects your day.

When I was a kid, my parents used to make me wake up early (we're talking 6am) and would get mad whenever I would wake up even at 9am. And now I finally understood why. As much as it was great to have done quite a bit, at the end of the day, I can see why it would've been so much better to wake up really early.

Waking up late isn't counter productive, but life could be more productive if more stuff was done in the 24 hours that can never be retrieved once it's passed.


Speaking of time passed... And I believe we've all heard this before, but one of the most common regrets among those who were at their death bed, is that they went through life only working their asses off.. all for money.

Just a reminder. 

Thursday Tankers

Hump Jump

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=O27fsGdpP-Y

Dance! (:

Tired Tuesday

Weekday Woes

I have either been messing with my phone or been so busy that I barely have time to upload the posts but here is the post from Wednesday and Thursday! (:

Thursday Trail

Tanked Thursday

Basically...

Wednesday!

Talking to Thursday

Not sure how "hard feelings" became "award feelings". My apologies.

Monday Tuesday

While item donations are great, monetary donations to the right organizations are also vital in providing the necessary aid to those in need. You know what to do folks!
Research. Make sure the organization you're donating to is actually sincerely doing what they do to help the victims.

Trampling Tuesday

Wednesday Well-being

Tainted Tuesday

Madre mía, en el sueño
(In my dreams, dear mother)

ando por paisajes cardenosos:
(I walk through purple landscapes)

un monte negro que se contornea
(a black mountain that bends)

siempre, para alcanzar el otro monte;
(always, to reach the other mountain)

y en el que siempre estás tú vagamente,
(and in it where you're always vague)

pero siempre hay otro monte redondo
(but there is always another round mountain)

que circundar, para pagar el paso
(for me to circle, to pay a toll)

al monte de tu gozo y de mi gozo
(for the mountain of your joy and mine)

Friday Fire

Forget Friday Mistaken Thursday

I didnt realize I didn't post the message yesterday.. so here's both of it! Sorry!!!

A Conversation

Be true. 
Play your role. 
However you define it to be. 
But what IS my role?
I can't tell you that fore sure. 
But what I can tell you is that it's lies within your core.
So, I'm supposed to already know my role?
Yes. Inherently you already possess the understanding of it.
In that case, then why can't I properly express myself and carry out this role?
That's because it hasn't fully manifested itself yet. You're still in that process of being able to! 
That still doesn't quiet help. How can I get to know what my role is faster?
Well, sweetheart, we all learn it at a different pace. Some know it from a young age, some at a much later time in life. Everything that you are experiencing now is vital for your growth and change toward the role you are meant to play!
Must I go through this process?
Sweetheart, if you look back at some of the clothing items you bought when you were 10, do you think you would still buy it if you walked into a store and saw the exact same thing?
Well, no. But then again, I do have clothes from that time that I'd like to re-live.
And why do you think that is, that you would re-live some of the old clothes?
Maybe because it was something I used to hate but would now flaunt? Because it makes for a pretty darn good story.
Exactly.