Thursday Trash

Oooh there goes a bag of twisties! The litter has increased so much, and they're strewn all over the place. We live right in the middle of it all, and we're all okay with that???

The Seeming Impasse

What sort of traits do you want to attain by the end of the year? 

Patience. 

This has been something that I've always acknowledged.
Something I've been aware of since I can remember (as a kid getting reprimanded sprinkled with stories as I grew up). Even as a little girl, I was rather easily agitated, quick to react, yes, react. And would find ways to be the last to speak. Even when I was out with whoever and was bored, I'd actually start getting antsy, wanting to leave faster than they could ask "how bout this?". Often times, I find myself making rather hasty decisions (though many of them they prove to work out pretty well in my favor!), and even to this day, find it a challenge to hold back during a conversation.

"Patience in itself is a great challenge, and that it often holds the key to breaking through a seeming impasse" 

Last night I met a woman who moved to a foreign country to marry her husband, despite not even knowing the language. Now seven years later, her grasp of the language is (in her words) slowly but steadily improving. But being home alone when he works, with a 16 month old baby (without the help of family), life can get her down. And plus, raising a child, no matter where you are, is an extremely honorable task. And watching her interact with her child (despite the chaos: being surrounded by a huge group of people, with bottles, ceramic plates, and food), I wondered about losing one's cool. It would take so much to be as patient as she was with her child. She would still embrace her child, laugh about how silly all that was, and wouldn't raise her voice or hit the child. Instead she got another lady to act a little mad, to prevent the child from continuing the same behavior.. I asked her about being patient as a mother, and she said that it is definitely one of the most difficult things to be: patient.

But hey, before you let your mind wonder too far and get the wrong idea..

No, I'm totes NOT pregnant, neither am I going to have a child in the near future. But patience has been something I've been actively working on in the past year or so. Quite obviously I have a lot to work on. My progress has been a somewhat frustrating, yet comical one. But that I shall touch upon as time passes. However, in short, the progress has helped me suppressed my impatience, projected it as other emotions, and has allowed me to thoroughly embarrass myself (not in a fun way either). But I guess that's what improvement, change, and (ultimately) growth is about right?

//I know it's not going to be an easy road, but hey, we all got to start from somewhere and work on it constantly. Even if a pause is taken, as long as it's acknowledged and the journey continues form there.

A Conversation

Be true. 
Play your role. 
However you define it to be. 
But what IS my role?
I can't tell you that fore sure. 
But what I can tell you is that it's lies within your core.
So, I'm supposed to already know my role?
Yes. Inherently you already possess the understanding of it.
In that case, then why can't I properly express myself and carry out this role?
That's because it hasn't fully manifested itself yet. You're still in that process of being able to! 
That still doesn't quiet help. How can I get to know what my role is faster?
Well, sweetheart, we all learn it at a different pace. Some know it from a young age, some at a much later time in life. Everything that you are experiencing now is vital for your growth and change toward the role you are meant to play!
Must I go through this process?
Sweetheart, if you look back at some of the clothing items you bought when you were 10, do you think you would still buy it if you walked into a store and saw the exact same thing?
Well, no. But then again, I do have clothes from that time that I'd like to re-live.
And why do you think that is, that you would re-live some of the old clothes?
Maybe because it was something I used to hate but would now flaunt? Because it makes for a pretty darn good story.
Exactly. 

Serious Saturday: Vday

One Billion Rising: we're standing for violence against women. The violence includes emotional, mental, and physical (both sexual and non sexual) abuse of young   girls, teens, women. The violence involves women circumcision, stigma of women, the oppression of those who want to express themselves freely through fashion. The violence is a mother protecting her child, getting beat up by the man who wants to rape the little girl.
Please join us all as we stand for those whose voices are being muffled.

wwe.onebillionrising.org for more details and to rise with us.

Fabulous Friday

As Rebecca Black belted out 4 years (wow, it has been that long) ago, it's Friday, Friday!

Wednesday

We are responsible for our own future. But why are we taking it so lightly?

Tuesday

Monday!

For change is simple. But not easy.

Wednesday

Short but sweet. Something that is getting me to move forward.

Sundays Excluded!

If you know me, you'd know that I'm an avid believer in constantly improving myself. So, what better way to learn and share that with the world?

Thus, I think around mid November, I started a broadcast, telling people either a new fact, or sharing a quote/thought for the day. Monday to Saturday, I send out these messages.

So how about this, instead of having to constantly update my blog, since I know I cannot do this on a daily basis, I'll just send a screenshot of the message, here!

Sounds like a decent trade off for now, no?

Frankly, I'm a bit sad because I really wish I could include a drawing of whatever it is that I wrote about, but my phone is pretty old and cannot really accommodate that, and it isn't usually till the morning that I know for sure what it is that I wanna talk about. (So, I'd have a few ideas before going to bed, but would only be sure of the topic of my choice when I'm facing my phone in the morning). But eitherway, I'm figuring out ways to actually make that happen. But one thing at a time la I guess? :)

Alright. Recap: 

• I will post my daily broadcasts here in the form of a screenshot. 
• I am in the process of adding illustrations, but just need to figure out how. 

Sidenote reminder: This is excluded on Sundays. My off day! Haha. 
PS- suggestions are more than welcome

Love,
Kim

Tipping My Head Up

Hey everyone.

Yes, I know, it's been an awfully long time since my last post, which wasn't in all jolly happy. And the reason why I've been MIA the last four months, well, it's cause more things were pouring in. More heartache, challenges, work stress, and also health issues (though this one isn't as bad as it sounds).

Like everyone thwarted into the reality of post-graduation life, things hit be in all directions. Relentlessly, tirelessly, I resisted falling on my feet, but of course, as life has it panned out for me, I fell. Onto the ground. Hard.

Personally, I enjoy roller coaster rides, the thrill and the heights (despite my increasingly deathly fear of it) tickles me, resulting in a belly ache from the laughter during the ride. But when you're on life's roller coaster ride, I fell, I was like one of those unfortunate souls who during the openings, fell off her seat, and landed on the ground with a loud thud.

But anyway, I'm picking myself back up and moving on in life. I'm also on a trip of constant self-improvement. More roller coaster rides to ensue and more people to piss off (unintentionally most of the time but if intentional, it's cause I see some sort of injustice and am standing up for it), myself included cause you know, I'm still learning! And the learning process can be frustrating! haha

But moving on, I'll do my best to post as much as I can!
Starting with the events that are taking place (wherever I am).

And to commemorate this new beginning, here's a photo of me and my new hair haha

Unfiltered, sans make up, pre-hair wash too haha

Excuse the tired face, this was a day after almost 2 days of flying.

Hair maker: Su Jane (rawr I wub ju)

Cheers to a new start!

Love,

Kim 

How Do You Feel?

Well, to be honest, I don't know. I'm overwhelmed. Haha. A lot has happened in the last month or so and I'm truly really just overwhelmed with emotion. I think especially in the last few days. But after today, I feel even more overwhelmed than I've been haha.


Today, I said my last farewell to someone who has made a huge impact on my life, despite having only spent a short time with said person. Today also so happens to be the birthday of someone who once meant a lot to me, but who I guess is safe to say, is now just going to be someone in the past whose role  in my life has been fulfilled? I didn't even realize it, having confused this person's birthday for another date. If you're reading this, haha, sorry. Happy Birthday! Sorry you're in the same paragraph as death, I wish you well though! (:

So, about the...

Birthday Person:
K held a very special place in my heart. I don't know how or when exactly it happened, but one day I just decided to let K know how I felt. Fast forward a couple months, some visits and persuasion later, we became exclusive. We decided that even though long distance was tough, that we'd still give it a shot. Through a lot of things, K was there for me, supporting me, listening to me, encouraging me. Likewise, I'd offer help, company (K was living alone away from home), and encouragement in any way I knew how to. I neither felt insecure about him nor the relationship. It was possibly one of the most comforting relationships I've had in a while.

Person who's in a better place:
I've known (let's name the person..) A since I was pretty young. For a couple years, our families interacted, until A moved to another country. I completely forgot about A till I returned from my studies abroad, which was about 5 months ago. Since then, because we both go to the same center (for health reasons), I would take A home after, and we'd have some really good conversations. Sometimes they were really in depth, on life, religion, politics, among other things. Other times, they'd be simple yet heartwarming stories of A's life and let's just say, I would feel encouraged on my way home alone. But then, I soon started work, and would frequent the center a lot less (due to time conflicts) and never really had the chance to take A home, thus less conversations. But when I did, everything seemed fine, A's health seemed to be improving significantly and seemed to have an even more positive outlook on life.



It all changed when:
K and I couldn't arrange enough Skype dates. One of us were busy and having decided that we wanted to pursue our own lives while we were together, I never really thought much about it. Despite being told that he's probably already given up on us by my cousin, I never quite came to terms with it till he didn't answer any of my messages and calls and called me to end things. K told me that things back home were not too good and that K's struggles were only adding to my own, and that it wasn't fair to either of us to support one another when we don't have ourselves sorted. I cried a lot that day and the days afterwards haha. Like any person who broke up, I cried. Since, I've sent messages to what seems to be a vortex - a non responsive, never online K.

It was Chinese New Year, and I was visiting family in another state. I still remember, we were having dinner when my dad told me that A had a serious stroke and was unconscious. I immediately lost my appetite and was basically worried till we heard that A would respond when someone spoke in A's ear. We went to see her the moment we touched down. Things seemed to have a positive outlook and after two weeks of not visiting, I figured that it'd be a good time to go visit after an event that I had to attend a few days ago. So, with a bottle of massage essential oil, I went to the hospital to give A a hand massage (I read online that hand massages help). Little did I know that that was the last time I'd ever be able to say anything to A, because the next day, on my way home to the office after an event, I got the message from my brother telling my dad to send his condolences and that A passed early in the morning that day.




So here I am, two days later, feeling like a bucket full of emotions. I'm sad, yet happy:
A final ceremony was held for A today and so was the cremation. Many showed up to pay their last respects to A who left behind a legacy. A truly inspirational individual who's touched the lives of many, mine include. I am relieved that A was no longer suffering but am sad because I now have even more questions to ask A but will never get the chance to anymore.

When I got home, Skype reminded me that K's birthday was actually today instead of the weird date that I had in my mind haha. So I wished K happy birthday on Skype, not really caring if it would be seen or not because no matter what, I was going to be there for K as a friend even though we were no longer an item. I also added that I hoped things had picked up for K. K responded sometime in the day telling me that things were getting better and that I too felt better. I feel like crying, but I'm also elated K seems to feel better.

back to the question:

how do you (I) feel?

I honestly don't know. 

The Last.

2013 is coming to an end, and yes, this seems horrid, that I'm about drop a major rant. But I'd like to look at it as somewhat of a message to a lot of people out there. Four incidents that I feel need to be addressed. So I apologize in advance if this insults anyone/ hurts anyone's feelings. Also if this is too long, I'm sorry.

Case Numero Uno:
I had been sitting on a major highway, crawling my way home. It was starting to get on my nerves so I decided it was probably better to turn off into an alternative route to get home. So, being the responsible driver I am, I flicked my signal to go and checked if there were any cars. I saw a car coming at a distance and knew I had enough time to make it, so I exited where I was. But somehow, halfway through getting out of that tight space, the guy had sped up and was RIGHT next to my car, honking and making a ruckus. I took a glance and saw his wife starring me down, and him with an angry hand gesture. Whatever, I decided to ignore it because I knew that he sped up on purpose so that he could overtake me before I took the lead (as if one car would make such a big difference), the way a lot of locals do here. Whatever. So he was in front of me, and so happens, we were heading the same route, and hit a traffic light. As there were three lanes, I decided to take the most vacant one and go on my merry way. But, I ended up on the spot right next to his and by then, he had the window on his wife's side down and was yelling in Malay, with more angry hand gestures, telling me to "GO DIE". So you can imagine how I was already feeling since the honking up to the traffic lights: nervous, yet, pumping with so much adrenaline.
My response:
I smiled, the biggest I could, and pulled my my own hand gestures, a peace sign, with my giant peace sign ring facing them.

Case Numero Dos:
I was heading out of work, going home, and decided it wasn't too early to switch into the lane that I needed to be on. So, again, being the responsible driver I was, I flicked my signal, peeked out a little and began edging my way out of the lane. When suddenly this motorcycle started charging at me, honking furiously. Being the motorcyclist he was, he swerved his way around my car, ahead of me, slammed on his breaks with and angry hand gesture, yelled a really loud "OI!", rolled his eyes and sped off.
My response:
He had already sped off, so I just sat there in, not sure if I should be mad, upset, or guilty that this happened.

Case Numero Tres:
On separate incidents, I went out with some people (who hang out in the same clan). First time, it was with A&B. We decided to go watch a movie, and wanted to get some grub before. It was a weekend, so obviously it'd be a busy busy BUSY day anywhere, everywhere. One of our orders included two drinks, long story short, the drinks never came even when we were about to leave. I can understand why it may have slipped, or if the waiter had forgot. I mean, the waiters had to take tables from numerous tables before sending them to the kitchen. On the other hand, I can also get why one would be displeased by the absence of an order. However, what came next was a major shocker. Yep, you prolly guessed it... Someone asked for our drinks, but in the least courteous way; demanding, authoritative, pissed off. Honestly, I don't know why I didn't say something to the person at the time. Instead, I did the total opposite to the waiter, and thanked profusely.
On the second food date with these people with two additions: C&D, we went for brunch. It was a Sunday, but not too busy at the restaurant we occupied. C&D had already been there a little when I got there, with their food orders in. Not long after I arrived, A&B got there. Together, we ordered our brunch. Long story short, the waiters messed up the orders somehow... I guess when three people are giving you orders and constantly changing their orders and trying to make up their minds, I can see how it'd be confusing... This time, C took charge of dealing with the waiters. Now, a little back story of C.. I've known C for a while, and in all our interactions, they've been pleasant: C was generally a great person.. So naturally what occurred at the restaurant left me speechless. C was awfully rude, demanding, and authoritative, paired with frustration and annoyance.
My response:
So new was this that I actually could not speak. DAMN IT KIM. So instead, I let C settle my share of the bill as well. Thanks C. I'm sure you know who you are. I hope you stop being so rude. 


Case Numero Cuatro:
It's lunch time, my colleague and I went to get food. The system works like this: you grab a table, have someone sit there/something there to reserve it before someone takes it away from you. Then you go to the counter (there are two guys standing together), you give the first guy your order and the table number, pay at the cashier (this is the 2nd guy with the cash register), and they'll bring the food to you. So I had my colleague sit there while I ordered the food. It had been a while since my last visit, so I forgot about the table number, and had to kinda slide a little out of the line to check my table number. Then, as I did that, the lady behind me figured it was a good time for her to swerve around me and jump in front of me to pay for two packets of take away items.
My response:
I waited till she was done paying, and tapped her on the shoulder. The conversation went something like this:
Me: Hi aunty, I know you're in a hurry, we all are, but its not very nice to jump queue la..
Her: Yeah, I know. But I'm only over there (pointed at her table) and I only needed to buy this very quickly.
Me: Yes, aunty, I know, but next time, don't jump queue la, it's not very nice...
Her: Yes, I know. Do you want this? Just take this la.

Me: Aunty, it's okay, that's not the point. Next time, just don't do it again okay?

Her: Yes. Next time. Just keep it to yourself!

Honestly. When I think about it, I'm starting to ask myself if I was like this before I left the country. I probably was. Demanding and shit, especially at eateries. Shit, never again. 

Since the 3rd incident, I promised myself, never, ever, ever again will I sit aside and watch injustice happen. And to whoever is reading this, I hope you too stand up for injustice, whether it's as simple as telling an "adult" that she should line up, or if it is throwing up peace signs at rude drivers, or even standing up against your friends for the way they're treating an inferior. Do it. Many of us, myself included, have lived in the shadows of others, brushing things off, saying "it's okay, they're like that", when we know deep down it's unethical and completely rude. So I hope all of you reading this, will join me in standing up and spreading the message. And by that, I also mean that you deal with the situations with maturity, with respect, to raise neither your voice, nor your fists no matter what the person does. 

I hope your 2014 rings in more joy, garners in more respect, and that all those beautiful wishes come true. It's a new year, new me, and I hope, a new you too. 

Love,

Kim.