SENIOR-megadepressionaddinabunchofwordstolookcool-itis?

So, about a month

ago, I was walking down the busy sidewalks of Phuket. Yeah, where literally at every corner you hear the not-so-silent shouts of...

"YES, TAXI? TUK TUK? MASSASS? (er, a heavily accented cry of "MASSAGE?")"

Anyway! As I did so, I was pondering upon the next two weeks that would officially call for the beginning of my... yes, you guessed it! Senior year!

*Inserts Jaws Soundtrack, followed by screams from horror films, here*

In what felt like a sudden wash of overwhelm, I muttered to my friend "In two weeks, I'm going to be a senior". You know this feeling, the type you watch in animes, where you see the character get a blue patch on their foreheads and they look like they allofasuddenoutofnowhere have a fever? That was me. But apparently the friend heard me not, and I had to repeat myself at a slightly amplified voice. After doing so, expecting some sort of comforting advice, something that would help calm the nerves of my newfound revelation, you know, words of encouragement... But HA. Boy was I wrong. In response, I got something around the lines of...

"Congrats, you can now grow up and face reality!"

This, was then followed by an assurance of just how quickly these two semesters will fly by and how I will be leaving the place I have called home for the past (now about to be) 4 years of my life.

hehe, so cute.
But this face truly and most definitely defined my feelings at the time. 

So now, here I am, almost done with my SECOND week of return, finally! finished with registration. yaaayyy 8 classes woop! All in the right order and at desired grading manner. yaaaayyy haha.

AND already, I see, one by one, my friends, beginning to crumble, falling, crawling, crying, pretty much dying from the bombard of emotions, paired with a GIGANTIC To-Do List waiting to be crossed out as the semester, and even the year progresses. Yours truly included.

Okay, seriously, aside from the one night where alcohol had consumed my body in a way I had completely forgotten about (mixed with an incident that left me in tears); I had begun feeling the whole world kind of just, crashing on me, on my shoulders, and out of the blue, as I sat at a mealtime, found an excuse to walk away, into the bathroom nearby to calm my nerves.

Looking back on my former upperclassmen, it has always been a wonder to me as to how they were able to carry on through with the whole thing, with wide grins on their faces, a spirit that seemed to be bouncing off the walls of everywhere I go, and the constant love and support that they showered upon us. Here I am, trying to fit into the shoes they once wore. But here I also am, crying and crumbling fast to the ground, like an asthmatic child finishing a marathon that had been forced on her.

Is it too early to say that I have whatever disease all seniors get, the one, you know, that just disappears when you graduate? Okay, on a slightly consoling note though, I have managed to find a painkiller that requires no consumption: my art classes. After calming my nerves, I went to the Ceramics lab to carve out designs on my whistle.

Ya like? :)

Inspiration: Kebaya

That was so useful cause upon departure, I felt so much lighter. And I went home to sleep like a baby would.
The best part that followed was the classes I had lined up today, ceramics, drawing, and Orchestra. That meant more flow of the creative juices, with the carving and making of plates (WE MADE SUSHI PLATES TODAY!), and even though I graced screeched through most of the pieces of music, I had fun, most definitely.

I'm sorry if you guys found this post to be rather morbid. But to those of you who live on campus, and would love to see a smile on the faces of the Seniors, please, feel free to send them a friendly greeting, talk to them, get to know them (or do whatever it is you like to help encourage them in your own way). Cause, take my word for it, you will be helping out a very very very VERY VERY stressed out upperclassman. But hey, this also applies to your fellow classmates and upperclassmen of all graduating years. Not just the ones donning the invisible Capstone-d signs across their foreheads.

xoxo