Pitfall? Or Liberation?

Here we are again.

2 days away from the end of yet another semester.

It has been one heck of a semester. Imagine putting your head out of the window of a moving vehicle only to be slapped by the trees that you pass by.

Oof. 

Before I could even have the time to fully grasp what was taught I was thrown into the realms of the exams. Ah, sweet sweet exams that, in my opinion test my memorization skills at best. Oh, such sweet sweet delight.

On the flip side though, a bunch of other stuff took place this semester. One of them including my first ever winter, with -19C weather, snow (SNOW! YAY!). I was also given the opportunity to teach an adorable student, and was recently told of a possible extension of my work (means more fun sessions! woop!). And in all this, I got to meet, and also hang out with some really fantastic individuals who are showing me such generous love and care. Especially in times when I needed them the most. And not forgetting how lucky I was to have my parents visit during Chinese New Year.

And then some.

Over the last 6 months, I feel like I was in the cavemen times where someone had hit me out cold and instead of putting me into a new adventure, I was dragged around. Minus the physical knock out. And in the last month of all this madness, it has finally reached it's end last night. To be honest, a small part of me has died. I feel numb, empty, and kinda cold. Yet relieved, elated but lightheaded from the series of events that has taken place.

Frankly, I don't know how to react. I kinda want some direction. At the same time, selfishly, I also want someone to point out just how ridiculous this entire situation is to the other party. I feel like I'm fighting this battle alone and of late, it felt like I was fighting nothing. It's like being put into the biggest competition against... air. With the victor being air, you thought you were fighting hard.. but you are basically throwing empty kicks and punches without even having someone to take them.

Hey, at least the fight is over.. for now. I would like to say that I'm able to rest well and regain some sort of pink in my face and lips. But I've come to the agreement with myself that lipstick, and eye cream is just gonna do for the time being.

In all honesty, I feel lost. Lost and alone. I feel terrible for some of the individuals who had to listen to my woes over the last month that I don't want to bother them with it anymore. I don't want them to take on the burden that I should be allowing time to ease. At the same time, it's such a good opportunity for me to jump off the cliff, into the clear blue waters that welcome me with its all embracing waves. Ever ready to allow me to plunge myself deep into the realms of self-discovery & mastery. And to focus on the ones that truly matter & who want to matter.

Time is ticking, Kim.